


Silicon Valley Girls

by d2fmeasurement



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-05 11:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4177728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d2fmeasurement/pseuds/d2fmeasurement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Multi-chapter fanfic that imagines the lives of the future children of the Pied Piper team, as well as looking back at their own younger years. Each chapter contains a section of one of the Pied Piper guys in the present, a section of his daughter and a section of him in the past. It's OC heavy, but each section is clearly labeled so that anyone who wants to can skip to just the parts about the established characters/their favorite characters. </p><p>Ships: established Jarrich, established D&G, eventual Erlich/Monica. Any ship that doesn't conflict with those three is a possibility. </p><p>The archive warning for Underage is because of a relationship in the last section of chapter 3. It's not portrayed in a positive way and won't be a big recurring thing in the fic. (If it does recur I'll update this summary accordingly).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Glitter Bachman

Palo Alto, 2035

Glitter spun around in front of her mirror. The skirt of her dress lit up as she spun around. She grinned. It actually worked. She couldn’t wait to debut it, but she’d have to wait one more night. Tonight wasn’t about her.  
She heard a knock on her door and turned down her music as she called out, “Come in.”  
Her half-brother Dre-- who until a couple weeks ago, she’d thought was her half-sister Andrea-- walked in. “Hey,” he said, smiling at her nervously. His hair had previously been huge and full of blonde and bright purple streaks. Now it was cut down close.   
Glitter grinned and ran over. “You look amazing,” she said.  
“For real?” Dre asked.  
She nodded encouragingly. “Hey, want to see something?”  
“Yeah,” Dre said, stretching out on the bed.   
She spun around and her dress lit up.  
“Holy shit,” Dre said. “Who made that?”  
“I did,” she said, grinning. “I got the idea a couple weeks ago and made a prototype that sort of caught on fire a little bit. But this one is working!” She spun around again to demonstrate.  
“Are you going to wear it to the party tonight?” Dre asked.  
“I don’t want to draw more attention than you,” she said. “It’s your night. It’s bad enough my mom hijacked your big transition party to be a big, cheesy thing that’s all about us and our reality show.”  
“Well, since, first off, ‘transition parties’ aren’t a real thing,” Dre said with an amused little smile, “it’s fine. And you should wear that dress. It’s amazing. Honestly, I’m already going to be getting way, way more attention than I want. Give people one other thing to talk about.”   
She smiled and said, “Deal.”   
There was a knock on the door and a crew guy called out, “Glitter, we need you to film some talking heads before the party tonight.”  
“Okay,” she said.   
She walked downstairs, where cameras were set up for the reality show she starred in.   
She smiled at the cameras and said, “This is my dress for tonight’s party.” She spun around and then said, “I made it myself. It took a few tries to figure it out. First, I had to decide what type of bulb--”  
“Glitter,” a producer, Jen, said.  
“Yeah?” she asked.  
“I don’t think our demo is gonna care about the science mumbo jumbo,” Jen told her.  
She nodded and said, “Okay.” She smiled for the camera again and said, “This is my dress for tonight.” She spun around. She bit her lip, knowing this wasn’t a great sound bite but she didn’t really have much to say.  
“Are you worried you’ll deflect attention from Dre?” Jen asked.   
Glitter nodded at the prompt and then said, “I was worried I would deflect attention from Dre at first. Of course it’s his night. But, I just talked to him and he told me that he already feels like there’s going to be enough attention on him--”  
“Glitter,” Jen said again.  
“Yeah?” she asked.  
“Could you give us a bite that sounds more you?”  
Glitter nodded. She took a minute to compose herself, then smiled at the camera and said, “I know this dress will take attention away from Dre, but who cares, right? Even when it’s someone else’s party, it’s still my party.”  
“Perfect!” Jen said.  
Glitter grinned proudly.

Erlich Bachman

Palo Alto, 2035

“If anyone says anything to my son, you better believe I will rip their dick off them and throw it at them. Then we’ll see who the man without a dick is. It will be both of them,” Erlich said, gripping Dre in a big bear hug with one arm as he spoke into a camera. “And if the offending party already doesn’t have a dick, then I don’t know exactly what I do but it will be equivalent in pain to ripping their dick off and then throwing at them.”  
“Can you be a little less explicit in the next one?” the crew guy asked.  
“No, I cannot,” Erlich said. “I get worked up when talking about my son. You can bleep me in post.”   
The crew member walked away to find someone more cooperative. “I’m gonna go talk to Kira,” Dre said, tilting his head towards Kira Hendriks-Dunn, who was talking to a group of adults like the nerd she is.  
“Have fun,” Erlich said. He looked around for someone else to talk to. He saw Glitter in the middle of a huge group of girls and felt proud of what a social butterfly she was. Glitter’s mother, Rose, was happily talking to the cameras. Dre’s mother, Melodee, was also talking to a camera. She was much less in her element. Erlich felt bad, knowing she didn’t like all this reality show stuff but felt like she had to do it or risk America assuming that Melodee was the main maternal figure in Dre’s life.  
Erlich saw his friend Monica walk into the party and walked over to her. “Glad you decided to come to a party for once in your life,” he said. “Did you finish alphabetizing your staples earlier than usual?”  
She smiled tightly and said, “Good one. I wouldn’t miss this. You guys-- and your kids-- are important to me, you know.”   
“Well, everyone who doesn’t know what to do with themselves at parties is over there, if you want to join them,” he said, pointing towards his friends Jared and Richard, Kira’s parents.   
“Thanks,” Monica said. “Is Cherry here?”  
Erlich blinked, surprised Monica had learned the name of his girlfriend of three weeks. “No...she broke up with me,” he admitted.  
“I’m sorry,” Monica said.  
Erlich thoughtfully said, “I worry my love life peaked the year I got two different women pregnant.”  
“You’ll find someone. And even if you don’t--”  
“Even if I don’t? The fuck do you mean ‘even if you don’t’?” he asked.  
“Wasn’t that what we were talking about? You being worried you’ll never find someone?”  
“I never said I might not find someone,” he said.  
“Okay, okay,” she agreed. “Well, no matter what happens, you have an incredible family and you’re obviously a great guy.”  
“Yeah, I know,” he said. After a second, he asked, “But you think I’m a great guy?”  
“Of course, Erlich,” she said. “You know, your kids--”  
“They’re majestic. I know,” he said. “But, I just lucked out with a couple of beautiful geniuses.” He corrected himself, “One beautiful genius and one handsome genius.”  
“I was going to say they have so much confidence for kids their age,” she said. “They seem really okay with themselves and that’s pretty rare. I know it’s because you’re so affectionate and open and they know their dad really loves them.”  
“Thank you, Monica,” Erlich said. “I don’t know how being an amazing father will translate into me finding a new girlfriend, but it means a lot that you tried to comfort me.”  
“No problem, Erlich,” she said.

Erlich Bachman

Denver, 2005

Erlich scanned the lunch room until he saw her: Holly Brightman. He was completely into her even though she wasn’t the hottest girl in school. That’s just the kind of good guy he was. But, she’d always blown him off, making ridiculous claims about his lack of intelligence and his laziness. But, now she wouldn’t be able to make those claims anymore.  
He marched right up to her and proudly showed her an envelope. She looked at the contents and frowned.  
“Is this what I…”  
“My acceptance into Berkeley,” he said, proudly. “As you can see, you have underestimated--”  
“Oh my God, this is unbelievable!” she said.  
“I agree, it’s a strong testament to my--”  
“To what? To your ridiculous, inexplicable ability to just get everything you want, seemingly through the force of your own hubris?” she asked.  
“No I was going to say to my intellectual prowess--”  
“I didn’t get into my first choice college. None of the other valedictorians have gotten any good college news. But, you? You do? It’s like you just walk around with this stupid confidence that you somehow get rewarded for every time.”  
Erlich crossed his arms. “I’ll take my acceptance letter back now, thank you,” he said. He grabbed the envelope from her and marched away.


	2. Chapter 2

Kira Hendriks-Dunn

Palo Alto, 2035

Kira hated parties. She felt uncomfortable at gatherings of nine people, to say nothing of parties huge enough that they were being covered by E! and People. She’d felt like she had to be here because this particular party was a coming out party for Dre Bachman, who was technically her best friend. The problem? Dre was always busy talking to other people because, while he was easily Kira’s best friend since they’d grown up together, she probably wasn’t in his top 30.  
She paced around the perimeter of the room just as something to do. She saw Dre in the crowd, part of a circle of people that was, no surprise, surrounding his half-sister Glitter Bachman. Of course she was still the center of attention, even at a party for her brother.  
Glitter Bachman was the coolest girl at Kira’s school, but she was more than that. She was a bonafide celebrity. The media loved to call her the closest thing to American royalty. Kira had never had that kind of status, even though her dads were even wealthier than Glitter’s family. Once Kira had been featured in Seventeen Magazine, in an article about teen girls who were great role models. She’d talked about her interest in STEM and getting good grades and staying away from drugs and alcohol. They ran an airbrushed photo of her in a nice dress. It was the best she’d ever look and it still didn’t seem as glamorous to her as the “Caught Without Make Up!” photo of Glitter that had run on the next page. Sometimes Kira got letters from younger girls who were interested in math or computer science saying that she was a role model. She always wrote them a nice “thank you”, but secretly she wondered how soon these girls would realize how little sense it made for them to look up to Kira. They’d spend their lives struggling to get into the schools and get the jobs that Kira would walk into easily just because of the life she was adopted into. They should be bitter towards her, not looking up to her.  
At any rate, while Kira’s name was vaguely recognizable in most households, she’d never have the kind of notoriety that Glitter did. Everything about Glitter just seemed so much more glamorous and scandalous, right down to her backstory of being the daughter of billionaire Erlich Bachman and a stripper. Kira had probably heard that Glitter’s mom was a stripper hundreds of times in her life before fourth grade, when she heard someone say it in just the right tone to make her realize this was something with a certain connotation, something she could use to hurt Glitter. The next time Glitter had insulted Kira’s fashion choices on the playground, she’d shot back, “Well, your mom is a stripper!” It had felt like a victory for a while, but ever since around age 11 it had become a recurring memory that came to the surface when her anxiety got bad, when she was trying to sleep at night. She wondered if Glitter also remembered this moment constantly and it contributed to the vague hostility she always had towards Kira. It seemed more likely that she never gave Kira much thought at all.  
Kira was sick of walking around by herself at this party and felt like people were probably noticing her and thinking that she was weird. She wanted to go back to her dads and talk to them all night, but she knew how uncool that was. She settled on the slightly less uncool option of talking to her parents’ friends. She headed over to the table where all her dads’ friends Dinesh and Gilfoyle were sitting.  
They were as close to her dads as Erlich was, so she’d grown up close to them. Thankfully, her dads never indulged in the behavior of making her call their friends “uncle”, which was a good thing because she’d had a crush on Gilfoyle for as long as she could remember. He had an edge to him and this easy, laidback style that had always appealed to her.  
Now that she was old enough to realize this was embarrassing, but as always, when she tried to say “hi” to him in a calm, collected way, she ended up smiling in what she was sure was a conspicuous way as she said, “Hi, Gilfoyle.” She got control of herself and turned to his husband to say, “Hi, Dinesh.”  
Dinesh was very different from Gilfoyle, neurotic and self-conscious. She sometimes wondered if Gilfoyle’s choice in spouses was subconsciously part of the reason she was so into him. The fact that he was married to Dinesh was sort of an inspiration, it showed that maybe someday Kira would be able to find a bad boy of her own.  
“Hey, Kira,” Gilfoyle said. “You want a beer?”  
She laughed like she always did. Gilfoyle had been making offers like this since she was about 13. She had no idea what he’d do if she ever actually took him up on it.  
Dinesh shook his head at his husband and said, “You know, we do technically work for her dad.”  
“Yeah, I’d love to see Richard try to do one authoritative thing in his entire fucking life,” Gilfoyle said.  
Kira giggled before she could stop herself.  
“Hey, Kira?”  
She was surprised to see Dre had walked over.  
“Uh, hey,” she said. “You look really good. Very different.”  
“Oh, thanks,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “Do you want to dance?”  
“Oh. Sure,” she said with surprise as she stood up.  
When they were out on the dance floor, she started moving her hips to the music. She was surprised to notice that Dre was just as bad a dancer as her but that didn’t make her feel any better. She always felt envious of people who could seem cool and confident even without being good at things.  
“You didn’t have to walk away from your friends just for me,” she told him.  
“Well, I didn’t want you to be stuck talking to adults all night. Who wants that?” he asked.  
She laughed nervously and said, “Yeah.”  
Glitter walked over and pointedly spoke only to Dre as she said, “We’re leaving for the afterparty soon.”  
“Cool,” he said. He turned to Kira and asked, “You coming?”  
“Oh, uh, I guess…” she said, feeling her heart race.  
“It’s going to have alcohol and other substances,” Glitter told her. “Don’t you want to ask your dads?” Kira could tell that Glitter had brought this up to make fun of her, but she really did feel like she should ask her dads.  
“Um. I’ll be right back,” she said.  
She found her dads and said, “Hey, Glitter and Dre invited me to an afterparty…”  
“Okay,” Richard said. He noticed the way Jared was looking at him and he said, “I mean, we have to talk about…?”  
“It’s just that Erlich is very liberal about the stuff he lets his kids do at his house…”  
“Well, they’ll have adult an adult in the house...”  
“Do you really consider Erlich adult supervision, though?”  
Richard and Jared were exchanging looks that Kira didn’t like. She didn’t want them to get in a fight over her going to a party when she knew she’d just stand in the corner awkwardly the whole time, so she quickly said, “I don’t want to go very badly. Are you guys ready to go home?”

Richard and Jared

Palo Alto, 2036

“Do we really want to ban her from all parties?” Richard asked as he and Jared changed into their pajamas.  
“Not all parties. Just the ones with illegal substance abuse,” Jared said.  
“But, that’s effectively all the real parties,” Richard said.   
Jared took Richard’s hands and looked into his eyes gently, which Richard knew was supposed to be comforting but it made him feel like he’d really fucked up and Jared was just trying to be tactful.  
“Richard,” Jared said. “You can’t possibly think it’s so extreme to just not want her to do things that’ll get her in trouble...things that are dangerous.”  
“I don’t know, you’re right, I guess, it just feels like something all kids do,” Richard said. “You know? I don’t want her to feel isolated.”  
“Well, you can go to parties and still feel isolated,” Jared said.

Donald (Jared) Dunn

Virginia Beach, 2001  
“You are such a good lab partner,” Stephanie told Donald.  
He grinned widely. Stephanie was pretty and cool and actually being nice to him. It was unbelievable. “Do you want to start working on our final project tonight?” he asked her.  
“Oh, I can’t, I’m going to the party at Tyler’s,” she said.  
“Oh,” he said, nodding as though he’d already known about it.  
After a pause, she asked, “Do you want to come?”  
His heart raced and his grin widened even more. “Yes! I’d love to! My first party!” She looked horrified at the last part.

That night, he told his foster mother, Rita, “I’m invited to a party tonight.”  
“Uh-huh,” she said, not looking up from the dishes.   
It seemed like she wasn’t sure what this had to do with her, so he added, “So, can I go?”  
“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” she said.

He knocked on Tyler’s door that day.  
After a long wait, Stephanie opened the door. “Oh, Donald!” she said. “Everyone thought you were the cops. Come in.”  
“Why would I be the cops?” he asked.  
“No one really knocks,” she told him.  
Tyler walked over and looked between them. “What’s he doing here?” he asked Stephanie.  
“I invited him,” she said.  
Tyler did a doubletake that made Donald kind of proud. He never thought he’d be able to inspire that kind of look in someone like Tyler.   
Stephanie saw the look too and quickly said, “Relax. I had to. I accidentally mentioned it in front of him and had to be polite.”  
Donald kept a stiff smile on his face, wondering if he should remind her that he was also in front of her right now, hearing all of this.  
“Whatever. You’re not going to talk to him all night, are you?” Tyler asked.  
“Noooo,” she said. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs.”  
They walked away and Donald looked around the living room. He waited for someone to talk to him. A couple of times, he almost started a conversation with someone else but then he replayed what he’d just heard Tyler and Stephanie say in front of him.   
After what felt like way too long of just standing there, he walked out of the party. He arrived at the nearest bus stop and saw he was too late for the last bus. He started the long walk back to his house.


	3. Chapter 3

Bertram Gilfoyle

Palo Alto, 2035

Gilfoyle was at the Pied Piper server farm, doing routine maintenance on his hardware. He had shares in a multibillion dollar company and at this point in his life, he could be attending board meetings and watching his money multiply instead of doing the gritty physical labor, but he’d made it very clear that he wanted to stay as far from corporate life and as close to his servers as possible.  
Unfortunately, he couldn’t always have what he wanted and today Jared Dunn, corporate management in human form, walked in while he was working.  
“This better be important,” Gilfoyle said, wiping the sweat off his forehead as he turned to look at Jared.  
“It is. It’s about the charity for foster children that we support.”  
Gilfoyle turned away.   
“Gilfoyle. I’ve always accommodate your desire to do your work, independently and however you see fit.”  
Gilfoyle gave a small grunt of acknowledgment. He’d never give Jared the satisfaction of admitting that Jared was the best supervisor anyone could ever ask for. It was obvious enough that Jared should just know.  
“And this charity is very important to me,” Jared continued.  
“Did we forget to send a check?” Gilfoyle asked. “Bug Dinesh. He does all the money stuff. I don’t like dealing with banks. If it were up to me, all our money would be in cash, hidden deep underground in various locations in the desert.”  
“We received your donation,” Jared said. “I was hoping for some more hands-on help.”  
Gilfoyle snorted.  
“There’s a halfway house that needs a speaker to inspire the kids, tell them there are people who went through what they’re going through and came out of it happy and successful,” Jared said.  
“Sounds like a perfect job for you,” Gilfoyle said.   
“This is a halfway house for people who’ve spent time in juvenile delinquent centers,” Jared said.  
Gilfoyle stared at Jared with a steady, angry gaze. Jared had known Gilfoyle for years and been frightened by him plenty of times, but never like this.  
He took a step back and then said, “Gilfoyle, it wasn’t an invasion of your privacy...all company managers have to do background checks on all employers. You must know that.”  
“That doesn’t mean you have to talk to me about it,” Gilfoyle snapped. “Bring it up so that I’ll do you favors.”  
“That’s not why I’m bringing it up! These kids need to know it’s possible to someday be successful despite their records and you are the only person I know who can do that.”  
“Like I said. You’re trying to get me to do you a favor.”  
“I thought you would want to!” Jared said. “When you were there age and you were scared and uncertain and wondering if things would ever be okay--”  
“Who says I was?” Gilfoyle asked.  
“You had to be…” Jared said.  
“What, my file told you my mental state? I don’t remember checking any forms with boxes asking my level of insecurity or being classified by my territory as a Scared Youth. For the record, I knew that everything would be fine because I’m fucking great at what I do and always have been.” He gestured around at the servers. “Look around. I knew I could build worlds. Why would I be scared?”  
“Whatever you say,” Jared said after a moment. “Just...maybe not all of these kids are lucky enough to be so self-assured. And if you wanted to try and help them, it would mean a lot to me and to them.”   
Jared turned to go.  
After a minute, Gilfoyle called out, “Dinesh wants Pied Piper to throw some funding at his cousin’s latest app. It’s awful but he’s technically my family now. If I do this for you…”  
Jared smiled and said, “Consider it done.”

Carmen Ruiz

Palo Alto, 2036

Carmen was pissed off because they’d had to spend all day cleaning because some Senior VP from Pied Piper was coming to talk to them. She didn’t really see the point since no amount of dusting could possibly make a billionaire think their house looked like anything other than a pile of garbage.  
When he walked in, he was immediately not what she’d pictured. She’d thought he’d be some bald guy in a suit. Instead he had long hair, which was horribly unattended to, like this guy couldn’t afford haircuts. He looked pretty normal in a flannel shirt, jeans and a band tee. Nothing about him really said “billionaire.”  
He looked like he couldn’t wait to get this over with and leave. Something he and Carmen had in common.  
“Hi. I’m Bertram Gilfoyle. I’m the Senior Vice President of Systems Architecture at Pied Piper. I was a juvenile delinquent when I was sixteen. I got caught with a bunch of mushrooms. My mom was too much of a cunt to seek proper legal counsel.” Carmen could see Beth, the woman who ran the halfway house open her mouth like she wanted to say something and then decide against it. Carmen grinned, feeling a newfound respect for billionaires. “When I got out of there, despite my record, I was able to succeed in the tech world by being the best. That’s what you have to do. Prove you’re the fucking best at something so no one can take that away from you.”  
“That is such fucking bull shit advice,” Carmen said, staring at him with disbelief.  
“Carmen!” Beth snapped.  
“It’s fine,” Gilfoyle said and Beth immediately deflated. Again, Carmen felt a surge of respect. He looked at Carmen and asked, “Why do you say that?”  
“Being the best at something like tech, something valuable, that takes years of work, right?”  
Gilfoyle nodded.  
“Okay, so I’m guessing you were some rich boy who grew up being able to get whatever computer shit he asked for so he could develop these skills?”  
Gilfoyle shrugged and nodded.  
“I’ve never in my life lived in a house that even had a computer in it, let alone one just for me,” she said. “I would give anything to even have typing skills but I don’t. Even if I was the best at something, I can’t fuck around networking and shit. Unless you have any advice on how I can convince McDonalds to hire a juvenile delinquent who can only work part time because I have to go to school or else I’ll get kicked out of the halfway house and be homeless, instead of someone who has years of fast food experience and can working as much as they need, I don’t see how this talk helps. Like, do you actually think that spending a night in juvie because your mom got sick of you partying makes you like us?”  
“You’re right. I don’t have any useful advice. I’m doing this as a favor for a friend even though I told him it was pointless,” Gilfoye said. “And I did my whole...speech thing, so I think I’m gonna leave.”   
As soon as Gilfoyle was gone, Beth told Carmen off and said that Pied Piper’s charity was the only thing keeping them afloat and she did not need Carmen’s attitude burning that bridge. She was sent outside to apologize.  
“Mr. Gilfoyle,” she called out.   
Gilfoyle turned around. “Please don’t call me that,” he said. “Just Gilfoyle is fine.” He added, “What’s your name?”  
“Carmen,” she said. “I was sent outside to apologize to you.” After a long pause of Gilfoyle waiting expectantly, she said, “Oh, I’m not going to do it. I figured I’d just come out here and look like I’m apologizing for a second so I don’t get in trouble.”  
He nodded and then said, “You said you needed a fast food job?”  
She nodded and said, “Yeah, if I want to get my independence and not have to spend the next two years in depressing as fuck group homes.”  
“There’s a food court in the Pied Piper building. I’ll tell them to give you a cashier job. I’ll make sure it’s flexible so you can go to school and do whatever else you’re required to do.”  
“You’re giving me a job?” she repeated. “Not just an interview, but like…”  
“No, the job is yours,” he said.   
“Because I told you to fuck off and didn’t apologize for it?”  
“That life strategy works sometimes. In my experience,” he said. “Do you have a phone number I can have them call?”  
“We don’t get cell phones,” she said. “You’ll have to contact the halfway house and they’ll send me.”  
He nodded and said, “Okay. Nice to meet you.”  
He turned back towards his car.  
“Gilfoyle?” she asked.  
He looked back over his shoulder, wondering if she was going to say thanks.  
“If you don’t follow through with this. Like, if it makes you feel good to offer some poor girl a job but the second you drive back to your mansion, you forget all about promising me this, then I will find you and I will fuck you up.”  
He nodded before getting in the car. As soon as he was out of Carmen’s eyesight, he grinned widely. He couldn’t stop smiling the whole drive home.

Bertram Gilfoyle

Toronto, 2006

Gilfoyle kept his eyes focused on the seat in front of him the whole drive home, keeping his expression controlled. He couldn’t let his mom see any sign of emotion.   
His mom had managed to babble endlessly this entire drive, never pausing, never asking Gilfoyle how he was feeling. She couldn’t ask what he was feeling. She couldn’t ask what it had been like. Because if she paused long enough to let him tell her that juvie had been torture, had been worse than Gilfoyle imagined, she’d have to feel guilty instead of standing firm in her belief that this was all good for him in the end.  
Once they were inside their house, she finally asked him a question. Not “are you okay?” of course. She knew she didn’t want to know the answer to that. She said, “You must be hungry. What do you want me to make you?”   
Gilfoyle was hungry. Starving. Thinking about his mom’s macaroni and cheese. But, he ignored that. “Nothing. I’m not staying,” he told her.  
“Not staying?” she repeated. “What could that possibly mean? How could you not be staying? You’re home.”  
“I’m not going to live with a backstabbing bitch.”  
She glared at him. “I’ll make a lasagna.”   
“I only let you take my home because I need to get my things,” he said.  
“I’m not going to let you just pack up a bag,” she said as she put an apron on and started taking pans out of the kitchen drawers. “Those are all things we bought you. You can’t just take them.”  
He’d know she would say that. “Fine. I’ll just take my computer. I built it. It’s all my work on there.”  
“We still paid for the parts,” she said.  
“I’ll pay you for it as soon as I get my first paycheck,” he told her.  
“Your first paycheck?” she repeated. “You’re going to go and get some job now? What are you doing, Bertram? Stay here. You’ll have your computer and all of your other stuff here. All you have to do is let me take care of you.”  
“I just want the computer,” he said, walking past her.   
He went up to his room and grabbed the computer he’d built. His mom burst in the door.  
“You are not leaving this house,” she said. She looked at the computer in his arms and asked, “That’s really what you care about? Not me or your father. Just a stack of wires?”  
“Obviously,” he said.  
She knocked it out of his arms. She’d clearly expected it to break but it didn’t. Gilfoyle couldn’t help but smile a little at his own craftsmanship.  
She glared and reached into her apron pocket, taking out a hammer.  
He stared. “No, don’t, please--” He immediately felt disgusted with himself for actually saying “please” to his mother.   
She started smashing it hard, over and over, managing to break it into pieces.  
When she looked up, she saw that he was crying.   
She stared at him. “Honestly, Bertram? This-- after everything-- this is what you cry over?”  
He’d felt horrible about showing weakness, but now that he saw the effect it had on his mom, he was glad he had. “Yes, this actually mattered to me. But, I’ll be able to build a better one.” He hurried out of the house.

It was a long walk, but he eventually arrived at “the commune”, a house a couple of his friends rented and that many more of his friends crashed at. He walked in and nodded at Laura, his...girlfriend? Sort of. She was twenty and part of him always wondered what exactly she was doing with him, but she’d always been nice enough. And he needed someone right now.  
“Bertram!” she said, holding him tight. He nuzzled against her chest, enjoying the warmth coming off of her.  
“Hey,” he said. “Can I have something to eat?”  
“Sure, babe, what do you want?”  
“Macaroni and cheese?” he asked.  
“Coming right up.” She kissed his forehead and headed into the kitchenette.   
He sat down next to their friend Trent, who was stoned and barely aware of them. Lisa, a 15-year-old who’d just recently entered their friend group, leaned forward and asked, “Was juvie badass?”  
“Yeah,” he said. “Totally.”  
Laura returned with a plate that she gave to Gilfoyle before sitting down next to him and pulling him close.   
He looked down and saw that it was Kraft. He took a bite. It was nothing like the macaroni and cheese his mom made. That’s good, he reminded himself.  
“Did you stop here to see me first thing?” Laura asked, smiling.  
“Uh-huh,” he said since she seemed to like that.  
“Are you gonna go home right away or do you wanna stay the night with me,” she asked, pulling his head against her chest again.  
“Staying the night,” he said. “In fact, I’m gonna stay for a bit. I told my mom I’m not coming home.”  
“Oh...wow,” she said.  
“Yeah,” Lisa said. “Who needs parents? Parents are the fucking worst. Fuck them.”   
“Uh-huh,” Gilfoyle said, even though he was silently thinking about how tonight Lisa would go home and would get to sleep in a warm bed that didn’t smell weird.  
“So, are you moving in?” Laura asked.  
Trent came out of his stupor long enough, to turn his head and say, “Rent, man. Gotta chip in.”  
“I’m gonna stay for a bit,” he said. “Then I think I might go to the States.”  
Laura furrowed her eyebrows. “...and do what?”  
“I’ve seen people looking for drummers for their bands, like, on message boards,” he said. “And there’s always tech stuff.”  
Laura laughed. “You’re just going to go do that?”  
“I’m really good at it,” he assured her.  
“Aaw, you’re so cute,” she said, petting his hair. “I sometimes forget that you’re so...sixteen. I mean, that’s what I love about you. The world hasn’t crushed your little spirit yet. You think you can just do things. It’s adorable.”   
She tilted his head up. “Don’t you wanna stay with me?”  
He looked from her down to his macaroni and cheese. He took another bite. It had somehow already gotten cold.  
“Yeah, of course,” he said. “I don’t know. I just wanna sleep.”


	4. Chapter 4

Dinesh Chugtai

Palo Alto, 2036

Dinesh was surprised when he walked into the dining room and saw Gilfoyle serving a homecooked meal. He looked at the food then up at Gilfoyle. “You made chicken masala?”   
“I just heated it up,” Gilfoyle told him. “Jared made it. To thank me for doing the thing at the halfway house.”  
“Oh, okay,” Dinesh said, sitting down and taking a bite. “How was that anyway? I’m sure they benefited a lot from what a great role model you are.”   
Gilfoyle sat down across from him and said, “It was actually fine.” After a second, he said, “It got me thinking.”  
Dinesh looked up, a little alarmed. His husband was always to the point about what he wanted. He didn’t know what could be so big he felt the need for a lead in sentence. “Okay…” he said.  
“What do you think about kids?”   
Dinesh stared at him. “I think the same thing I’ve always thought, which is that they’re not a good idea for us. You know that.”  
“Yeah, what was your issue with kids, again?” Gilfoyle asked.  
“They fucking freak me out. When I’m around a baby all I can think about is how fragile they are, how easy it would be to just fuck this tiny person up forever. I don’t know who all these people are who can handle that.”   
“What if it’s not a baby?”   
“Excuse me?” Dinesh asked.  
“What if it’s a 16-year-old?”  
Dinesh sighed a little. “So, you’re trying to tell me that you met a juvenile delinquent and you want to keep them?”  
“Essentially? Yes,” Gilfoyle said.  
“What did this person do? Did they murder someone?”  
“Yes, Dinesh, she was a murderer who gets to serve time in a halfway house out in the real world with no fence around it,” Gilfoyle said. When he saw Dinesh’s face, he said, “In answer to your question...I don’t know what she did. It didn’t come up.”  
“All you know about her is that she’s a criminal and you don’t even know what the fuck she did? That doesn’t worry you?” Dinesh asked.  
“I don’t consider what crimes someone has committed to be relevant. I judge people on their personalities.”  
“While then we’re very different,” Dinesh said. He frowned when he saw the way Gilfoyle was looking at him. “What...oh my god...what did you do?”   
“I got caught with a bunch of mushrooms.”  
Dinesh sighed and closed his eyes. “And you never told me…”  
“Whoops,” Gilfoyle said, without feeling.  
Dinesh opened his eyes to glare at Gilfoyle.  
“I was just a kid. It’s not a relevant part of who I am, which is why you fell in love with me despite, apparently, being someone who’s bothered by that kind of thing. That just proves my point.”  
“This person you want to let into our home, she did whatever she did recently,” Dinesh reminded him.  
Gilfoyle looked at him steadily and after a minute, he quietly said, “I don’t really like that you only see her as a criminal.”   
Dinesh frowned. He put his hand on Gilfoyle’s knee and squeezed it. “I’m sorry, okay? Tell me about her.”  
“Her name is Carmen,” he said. “She interrupted my bullshit speech to tell me to fuck off.”   
Dinesh shook his head, although he couldn’t help but smile a little affectionately. “So, she’s a tiny Gilfoyle. That’s a little terrifying. But cute.”  
“Actually, she reminds me of you,” Gilfoyle said.  
“I don’t know how you’ve been picturing my teenage years, but I promise I never interrupted an authority figure to ask to use the bathroom, let alone to tell them to fuck off,” Dinesh said.  
“I know,” Gilfoyle said. “But, it reminded me of when you wouldn’t shut up about me getting my visa. You stood up to me and you were right.” He shrugged and casually said, “That made me love you.”  
Dinesh smiled and said, “I love you so much. You’re really really sweet.”  
Gilfoyle wrinkled his nose and said, “Okay, don’t...say that.”  
Dinesh moved into the chair next to Gilfoyle so he could kiss him.   
Gilfoyle looked at him with embarrassment and Dinesh felt nervous for whatever outpouring of emotions was about to come. Gilfoyle said, “That shitty generic speech Jared and Richard and Erlich all made us sit through when they had their useless babies about looking at them and it hits them that they’re a father...I know it’s weird, but I felt that with Carmen. I know that we don’t really know her, but I think if people can feel that for a shitty, useless baby, it’s not so strange to feel it for a girl who’s actually smart and cool. And alone and possibly really scared.”   
Dinesh ran his hands through Gilfoyle’s hair and kissed him again. “Gilfoyle, I’m your husband and I feel like I have to protect you.”  
Gilfoyle rolled his eyes and said, “I’m sure it was a violent cri--”  
“I don’t mean from arson, although that does still seem within the realm of possibility,” Dinesh said. “I mean...I believe you that you feel a lot for this girl. But, she might never feel anything for you at all. Erlich’s kids and Jared and Richard’s kids, they feel something for them because they were raised by them.”  
“Who you’re raised by doesn’t mean shit,” Gilfoyle responded immediately in a flat, aggressive voice.  
Dinesh looked at him sadly. “Please think this through logically for one second and realize that if you offer to foster this girl, she will do the reasonable thing, what anyone in her situation would do, and accept the offer from the fucking billionaire. And she might never feel anything for you, for either of us. I feel horrible playing this card, but I have to ask: do you really want to feel like you’ve been rejected by your own family...again?”   
Dinesh couldn’t read Gilfoyle’s expression so he softly asked, “Do I sound like a total asshole?”   
“No,” Gilfoyle said. “I love you.” After a second, he said, “I know it’s pointless, but do you want to meet her? I got her a job at Pied Piper. We could take her to lunch.”  
“Okay,” Dinesh said. “Yeah and, I mean, we should find some way to help her. Maybe with a scholarship.”  
“Yeah,” Gilfoyle said.  
Dinesh kissed him and then asked, “Are you okay?”  
“Do you ever wish you could be the person who helps people, who shows they care or whatever...with something other than money?” Gilfoyle asked. He looked like he was immediately embarrassed to even feel that way.  
“Like how else?” Dinesh asked. Gilfoyle shrugged, still embarrassed. “Money helps people,” Dinesh reassured him. “Tangibly.” 

Dinesh Chugtai 

Islamabad, 2000

Dinesh knocked on Wajeed’s door.   
“Go away, dad!”  
“It’s not your dad. It’s Dinesh.”  
“Oh, word, come in.”  
Dinesh walked in and sat down across from him. “So, your dad wanted me to talk to you about your behavior.”  
Wajeed sighed. “Really, Dinesh?”   
“You can’t be reckless like this. You need to think about your future. You’re getting in trouble and your grades are slipping.”  
“They’re not slipping that much. I’m still passing everything,” Wajeed assured him.  
“Is that how you want to go through school? Just passing things? Not being top of your class? Not--”  
“What? Not looking great on paper?” Wajeed asked.  
“Excuse me?” Dinesh asked.  
“Are you happy putting all this work into looking good on paper, so you can go to a school that looks good on paper and get a job that looks good on paper. Don’t you think there’s more to life?”  
“Like what?” Dinesh asked.  
“Actual experiences,” Wajeed said.  
“I would like to actually experience going to a top university and someday having shares in a profitable company,” Dinesh said. He didn’t like the way Wajeed was looking at him. He shook his head and said, “You’re probably still high.”

Carmen Ruiz

Palo Alto, 2036

It was Carmen’s first day working at Pied Piper and Gilfoyle was going to take her out to lunch during her break.   
He walked over to her and asked, “Hey, ready to go?”   
“Yeah,” she said, rolling up the apron she had to wear and putting it in her bag.  
“This is my husband, Dinesh Chugtai,” he said.  
“Oh, hey,” she said with a nod.  
They were all silent as they headed to the restaurant. She wondered if they had anything in common. It occurred to her that if nothing else she and Gilfoyle could swap juvie stories.  
When they arrived at the restaurant, the hostess asked Dinesh, “Table for two?”   
“Three,” Gilfoyle said. The hostess noticed him and said, “Oh, sorry.” She grabbed another menu and led them to their table.  
Carmen was looking down at the menu and wondering what a $30 hamburger could possibly be like when Gilfoyle started chuckling.  
“What?” Dinesh asked.  
“She thought you two were father and daughter,” Gilfoyle said. “That’s why she assumed you two were together and not me.”  
“No, she didn’t…” Dinesh said skeptically.  
“She totally did,” Gilfoyle told them.  
“I’m Mexican,” Carmen said with a little laugh.  
“Yeah, well, neither of you has an ancestry.com map attached to your forehead, so…” Gilfoyle shrugged.   
Carmen looked over him. She could sort of see the resemblance. She didn’t have his eyebrows, thank god. She realized he was looking over her the same way, trying to see it. And it seemed like he was smiling a little.   
“So, do you have any hobbies?” Dinesh asked after the waitress took their order.  
“Um, just arson and assault and battery. Occasionally grand theft auto,” she said. She saw the way Gilfoyle was smiling at her and couldn’t help but smile a little back before stopping herself.  
“Do you like, um...music?” he tried.  
“Nope. Never heard of it,” she said. “Never heard a single song.”   
When their food was put in front of them, she saw that Dinesh was about to try and ask her something else and she said, “I might never have a $30 burger again. I kind of just want to concentrate on appreciating it.”


	5. Chapter 5

Richard Hendriks

Palo Alto, 2036

People always asked Richard if it was hard working with Jared all day and then coming home and spending all his evenings with him. But, the truth was that Richard wasn’t even close to getting tired of his husband. In fact, on days like this one, when Jared had his birding group, Richard got a little antsy. Even if they were sitting across from each other, both on their laptops, he was happier when Jared was nearby.  
When Jared came home, Richard sat up a little eagerly and said, “Hey. How was, uh, birding?”  
“We saw a marsh sandpiper. Want to see pictures?” Jared asked as he sat down next to him.   
Richard looked at the pictures on Jared’s phone.  
“Is Kira home?” Jared asked.  
“No, she’s tutoring Dre,” he said. After a pause, he said, “I wonder if she’s really tutoring him or if she’s, you know...tutoring him.”  
Jared tilted his head at Richard, not sure what he meant.  
“That’s a thing,” Richard said. “You know it’s like going to the library. It means...you know.”  
“Oh,” Jared said. He smiled and said, “I hope so. I always hoped our kid would end up with one of Erlich’s kids. It was my first thought when he said he was having kids.”  
“Really? That was your first thought?” Richard asked.  
“It wasn’t yours?” Jared asked. “If they got married, Erlich would officially be our family!”  
Richard smiled a little at Jared’s enthusiasm. “Yeah, I guess,” he said.

Kira Hendriks-Dunn

Palo Alto, 2036

“Thanks for doing this,” Dre said as he and Kira looked at their trig homework. “Glitter’s been too busy to help me.”  
“Glitter usually tutors you in trig?” Kira asked.  
“Yeah,” Dre said, with a protective quality in his voice. “She’s great at math stuff.”  
Kira immediately felt bad and said, “Oh yeah, sorry…”  
Dre shrugged and said, “I know you guys don’t really know each other.”  
“Yeah...I think she hates me,” Kira said. When Dre didn’t respond, she asked, “Does she hate me?”  
“Maybe,” Dre said simply. “Let’s study.”  
After a few minutes, he said, “Hey, my binder is killing me. Would it be weird for you if I took it off?”  
“Oh. No. Not if it’s not weird for you,” she said.   
“Cool,” he said. He walked over to the corner of the room and she turned her head.   
“You don’t have to worry about if it’s weird for me, you know,” she said.  
“I guess I just feel like if I’m not putting full effort into looking like a guy all the time no one will take me seriously,” he said before sitting back down next to her.  
Kira tilted her head and said, “That’s funny. That seems like the kind of thought I would have.” She furrowed her eyebrows and said, “Sorry. That was a weird thing to say. I just mean...you seem so confident and comfortable with you are, like, all the time. I didn’t imagine you having those kinds of hang ups.” She cringed and said, “God, I sound like the biggest asshole. I know I’m not the only person on earth who experiences insecurity.”  
He laughed and put his hand on her arm. “Kira,” he said. “Kira. It’s okay. I get it.”

Richard Hendriks

Tulsa, 2006

“Okay, that’s better,” Kelly said, sitting down next to Richard after changing into a tank top.  
“Oh, um...cool. Glad you’re comfortable. So, are you ready to study? Because this stuff is pretty complicated so we should get started.”  
“Is there anything else you’d rather do?” she asked, leaning forward.  
He stared down her shirt for a second before looking up. “You asked me to tutor you, right?”  
She laughed and said, “I asked you to come over and tutor me. It’s a thing. Like when people say they’re going to the library.”  
“That doesn’t just mean going to the library?” he asked.  
She laughed and tried to kiss him.  
He pulled away and said, “I just feel like I should tutor you?”  
She frowned and said, “I’m so much hotter than you, Richard. I asked you over because I figured this would be easy.”  
“Oh, okay, yeah, that makes sense logically,” he said. “I was just thinking that I know you’re getting a D in this class so I would feel sort of guilty if that grade got any lower because I didn’t help you when I had the chance.” He frowned at the way she was looking at him. “I don’t feel very good,” he said, moving to kneel over her garbage can.  
“Oh my God,” she said angrily.  
“I’m sorry!” he said before gagging hard.


	6. Chapter 6

Bertram Gilfoyle

Palo Alto, 2036

When Gilfoyle walked into Jared’s office, Jared looked up and his face lit up with a smile for a second before he frowned and asked, “Oh God, what’s wrong? Did all of the servers burn down?”   
“Okay, if that happened I wouldn’t be coming to you,” he said. “I would be rebuilding them myself.” After a pause, he said, “I have a question about..foster kids.”  
“Great! Sit down!” Jared said. Gilfoyle took a seat across from Jared’s desk.  
“Okay, well...say there was a foster kid I wanted to, you know…”  
“Foster?” Jared asked excitedly.  
“No. That’s off the table,” Gilfoyle said. “Just help.”  
“I don’t know. Help in what way?” Jared asked.  
“Provide support…”  
“Like a scholarship program?” Jared asked.  
Gilfoyle sighed and said, “I guess.” Gilfoyle stood up and headed for the door then turned around and said, “Just. You know, if there was someone I thought could use an adult who cares about them…”  
“Like a parent?” Jared asked.  
“I’m going to throw that lamp at you,” Gilfoyle told him.  
“It just sounds like you kind of want to be--”  
“Say parent again,” Gilfoyle threatened.  
“Is there a reason you don’t want to…” Jared trailed off when he saw Gilfoyle’s glare.  
“Dinesh doesn’t like the idea,” Gilfoyle said.  
“Maybe if you talked to him about how much it means to you…” Jared suggested.  
Gilfoyle looked down at the floor. “Jared,” he said quietly. Jared felt excited and terrified over hearing this new tone of voice. “I’ve always loved Dinesh more than he loves me and that’s fine for me, but I dont’ want to bring someone else into the situation unless Dinesh’s heart is completely into it. This isn’t the kind of thing you can force.”   
“You know, I used to often think that I love Richard more than he loves me,” Jared told him.  
“Oh, you absolutely do. That’s not even a question,” Gilfoyle said.  
“With time and perspective, I’ve realized that I’m a very passionate person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. As do you,” Jared said.  
“That’s very inaccurate,” Gilfoyle said.  
“Okay, in a way it is, but I can see the real you,” Jared said with a little smile.  
“If you have to put effort into seeing the real me, then that’s not heart on my sleeve,” Gilfoyle said.  
“We’re straying. Colloquialisms aside, Richard and Dinesh are different. They don’t get as passionate. That doesn’t mean they don’t love us as much. I’ve seen how much Dinesh loves you,” Jared said. “And I think, if you two had a kid, he would love them too, just in a different way. He’d be the stoic reserved father and you’d be the enthusiastic nurturing mother.”  
Gilfoyle crossed his arms and then said, “I’m not sure if you’ve met me. I’m Gilfoyle.”  
Jared laughed and said, “I love all this talking about our feelings. We should do this more often. Do you want to hear about the first time I held Kira in my arms?”  
Gilfoyle turned and walked out of the office.  
“Great talk!” Jared called after him.

Carmen Ruiz

Palo Alto, 2036

“Where the fuck is my eyeliner?” Carmen screamed angrily.  
Priya, who had the bed next to hers, crossed her arms and asked, “Why are you asking me?”  
“Because you suddenly look halfway decent which means you must’ve rifled through my make up,” Carmen said.  
“Why do you care? Get that billionaire you’re fucking to buy you some new stuff.”  
Carmen cringed, feeling deeply disgusted by that image. “Gilfoyle is not like that! What do you even know about us?”  
“I know you talked to him and suddenly have a job at Pied fucking Piper!” Priya said.  
“He has a husband!” Carmen said. “He’s not some gross guy who goes around hitting on teenage girls.”  
“Then why would he be nice to you?”  
Carmen frowned because she genuinely didn’t know, but after a second she managed to sound confident as she said, “Gilfoyle has taken an interest in me because he thinks I’m smart. I think he thinks I could really be successful with some help.”  
“Some fucking computer genius guy does not think that you are smart,” she said. “I don’t give a shit if he has a husband, he wants to fuck you and if you don’t think so you’re an idiot. Actually, if you don’t let him you’re an idiot.”   
Carmen shoved her hard and said, “Gilfoyle doesn’t think of me like that!”   
“Then, he thinks of you as what exactly?”   
Carmen knew she couldn’t say someone she’d only talked to a few times thought of her as a daughter. She knew enough to know that was ridiculous. “I just know he’s not a gross pervert and, more important, I know I’ll kick your ass if you take any more of my things.”

Bertram Gilfoyle, 2017

Dinesh was sitting on Gilfoyle’s lap while they played chess and listened to Richard and Jared talk about flower arrangements.   
“Checkmate,” Gilfoyle said.  
“Fuck you,” Dinesh said.  
“You’d like to fuck me,” Gilfoyle said, biting Dinesh’s ear. “Hey, you know what listening to all this wedding talk makes me want to do?”  
“Fuck?” Dinesh guessed.  
“I was going to say it makes me want to marry you,” Gilfoyle told him.  
Dinesh laughed and affectionately said, “You just have to get married before Richard and Jared do? Everything is a competition to you.”  
“That’s not all it is,” he said. “I mean, we are absolutely a better couple than Richard and Jared…” Dinesh laughed and kissed him. Gilfoyle continued and said, “I just love you and I want to be with you forever.”  
“Well, that’s not a reason to get married,” Dinesh said.  
“What does that mean? That’s the reason to get married. That’s why people do it.”  
“I think realistically people get married when one of them is terrified they’ll lose the other,” Dinesh said. He frowned at his own words and looked at Gilfoyle.  
“I was just fucking with you,” he said. “I’m so not ready to get married. If I ever end up arguing about daffodils versus azaleas with you, just murder me.”   
Dinesh kissed him and said, “Good. That is a big relief.”


	7. Chapter 7

Kira Hendricks-Dunn

Palo Alto, 2036

Kira was leaving a STEM Club meeting when her advisor, Mr. Black, asked her to stay back.  
“What’s up?” she asked.  
Mr. Black said, “I was watching E! News--” when he saw Kira’s reaction, he said, “Teachers do have to relax sometimes, you know. Anyway, they said that Glitter made the dress she wore at that big party. Do you know what that means exactly? I mean, did she build it? Design it herself?”  
“Um, I don’t really know,” Kira said.  
“Oh. I thought you two were friends,” Mr. Black said.  
Kira didn’t really want to explain how you can see someone all the time for your whole life and still not really be friends, so she just said, “I can ask her about it, I guess. Why?”  
“If she really did make that, we could really use her on the team,” he said.   
“Oh, I don’t think she’d want to,” Kira said. “I think she’s got a whole future planned out of, you know...being hot professionally.”   
“You don’t think that’s selling herself a little short?” he asked.  
Kira shrugged a little and said, “I’ll try to remember to ask her.” She walked away, knowing she would definitely not ask her.

Donald (Jared) Dunn

Poughkeepsie, 2003

Jeff was the captain of Joyce Carol Notes and a junior, so Donald was pretty amazed that he’d actually asked him to come back to his dorm.   
“Wow, this is so much bigger than the freshman dorms,” he said.   
“You know what else is big?” Jeff asked, grabbing Donald’s hips and pulling him against his body.  
“What?” Donald asked, turning around. “Oh my God, did you ask me back here to make love?”  
Jeff stared at him and then asked, “...are you, like Amish or…”  
“No, I was raised Catholic for about two years then--”  
“I don’t actually care, like, at all,” Jeff said with a laugh. “You want to kiss me, don’t you?”  
“Oh, I’ve actually never kissed a man before,” Donald said.  
“Perfect. That’s what Vassar is for,” Jeff said.  
“No, I mean, I’ve never kissed anyone before,” he said. He could tell that Jeff wasn’t getting his point, so he said, “So, I’d like to get to know you for a while first. I’d really love to take you on a date sometime.”   
“Oh my God,” Jeff said, closing his eyes and falling onto his bed with frustration.  
“I’m sorry,” Donald said quickly.  
“I specifically picked the most pathetic freshman because I thought you would be easy,” Jeff said.  
“...I’m sorry,” Donald said again. “I-- there was a miscommunication and that was my fault.”   
“Uh yeah.”  
“I’ll get going.”

Jared Dunn

Palo Alto, 2036

Jared knocked on the door of Dinesh’s office and then pushed it open.  
“Get someone else to do it. I’m busy,” Dinesh said immediately.  
“This isn’t business. It’s personal,” Jared said.  
“Then what I just said goes double.”  
“Gilfoyle spoke to me,” Jared told him.  
Dinesh stared at him. “Gilfoyle spoke to you? Voluntarily? Fuck, what could be that important to him?”  
“That was exactly my thought,” Jared said, nodding. “He seems very serious about the foster kid situation.”  
Dinesh frowned. “Then why wouldn’t he talk to me?”  
“He doesn’t want to push you,” Jared said. “But, I think you should really consider it. You could really brighten someone’s life. Becoming a foster parent is a beautiful thing to do.”  
“If you think that, then why did you adopt a baby from South Korea?”   
Jared frowned. This was something he’d asked himself a lot. He felt guilty and worried a lot that there was no excuse for it. “I...I knew fostering would bring up a lot of feelings for me,” he said. “And the idea of re-living those feelings...with Richard...I was worried I would be very exposed and he would somehow do something to make me feel like he didn’t understand and I would regret exposing myself in that way.”   
Dinesh sighed and Jared could tell that he regretted asking. After a pause, he said, “You think that’s why Gilfoyle doesn’t want to talk to me too much about why he want this?”   
“It can be very difficult,” Jared said thoughtfully. He put on a smile and showed Dinesh the folder he’d brought. “I have lots of information for you. You know, it’s not all teenage criminals in the system. There are little kids you could be helping.”  
Dinesh took the folder. “Okay. Thanks, I guess.” When Jared headed out, Dinesh called out, “Hey, Jared?”   
Jared turned around. “Yes?”  
“Does he seem like he wants a kid badly enough to find a new husband?”  
Jared looked at Dinesh seriously and said, “There’s absolutely no way he’s thinking that.”


	8. Chapter 8

Glitter Bachman

Palo Alto, 2036

Glitter was brushing out her hair in front of the mirror when she heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” she called out.  
Dre walked in and sat down next to her, “Hey, are you busy?”  
“No, what’s up?” she asked, tossing her hair.  
“Kira asked me to ask you if you wanna join STEM Club.”  
Glitter frowned. “Okay, first off, ew. Every part of that sentence is unappealing.” After thinking about it, she said, “Except for the words ‘you’ and ‘me’ obviously.”   
He laughed a little.  
“Why couldn’t she ask me herself?”   
“I think she’s pretty scared of you,” he said. “She thinks you hate her.”  
“Then why does she want me to join her nerd club?”  
He shrugged. “You would have to ask her.”  
“Well, that is not happening.”  
“Don’t you think it would be kind of cool?” he asked.  
“No? What part of that sounds cool?” she asked.   
“Getting to build cool shit. You love that kind of thing,” he said.  
“Yeah, but not for some little high school club. I have greater ambitions than that,” she said. She grabbed her hairbrush again and then asked, “Was there something else?” 

Erlich Bachman

Berkeley, 2009

Erlich knocked on Aaron’s dorm door. When he realized it was unlocked, he pushed it open.  
“What’s up, man?” he went over to his bed and sat down on it.  
“Did you bring over beer or something?” Aaron asked.  
“Oh, yeah, maybe I should get some later,” he said.  
“Yeah, definitely,” Aaron said. After a pause, he asked, “Do you need money for it?”  
“No, I got it,” he said. “So, what’re you up to?” He walked over to his laptop and looked over his shoulder. “Oh, you’re working on stuff for Principles of Business? I got an A in that freshman year.”  
“Yeah, sure you did,” Aaron said.  
“I could take a look at that paper for you when you’re done.”  
“Yeah, I will totally have you do that,” Aaron said. “But, I kind of need to focus on it right now…”  
“Oh sure. Right on,” Erlich said. “Talk to you later.”

Erlich Bachman

Palo Alto, 2036

“So, what’s our approach here?” Erlich asked as he and Monica headed into a meeting.  
“Well, we want to acquire them,” she said. “But, they need us to acquire them…”  
He smiled and said, “So, we can take them for all their worth?”  
She laughed and said, “I mean, I know Richard would want us to be fair.”  
“Oh yeah. We’ll be fair,” he agreed with a nod before winking at her. She smiled a little.  
When they walked into the meeting, Erlich said, “Erlich Bachman here. Try to justify why I should be interested in your company.”  
“Um, Nick Smith here,” the start up CEO said, with a laugh. “And, uh, how about to save yourself from becoming completely irrelevant to the tech world?”  
Monica’s eyes widened with disbelief, but Erlich put effort into having no reaction. “Come again?”  
“You got lucky once with the technology for Pied Piper,” he said. “I’m sure you’re desperate to prove you could ever do that again.”  
“Okay, this is an impressive strategy, trying to seem confident,” Erlich told him. “It’s not going to work.”   
“Why? Am I wrong? Tell me what you’ve done that’s worthwhile, not counting gains you’ve made coasting off Richard Hendricks or your hot daughter?” Nick asked.  
“Or maybe let’s try talking about what you’ve done that’s worthwhile,” Monica said. “Except become absolutely desperate to be acquired.”  
“We have other offers,” Nick assured them.  
“Okay, great, good to know you’re all set,” Monica said, turning to leave. Erlich smiled and followed her out.   
When they were almost back to Monica’s car, Erlich’s phone started ringing with a call from Nick. They shared a smile.  
“Should I answer it?” Erlich asked her.  
“You still would? After what he tried to pull?”   
“We could acquire his technology and then screw him over,” Erlich said.  
Monica thought about it for a second but then said, “It’s not even worth it.”   
Erlich ignored the call and they got into Monica’s car.


	9. Chapter 9

Dinesh Chugtai

Islamabad, 2000

Dinesh watched as Wajeed walked a crooked line.   
“You can’t even walk a straight line. This is embarrassing,” he said.  
“What, you’re the straight line police now?” Wajeed asked.   
“I can’t believe I let you drag me to this party, let you convince me to try substances which could ruin my future,” Dinesh said. “And I didn’t even get high. I don’t feel anything. But, hey, I get all the fun of baby-sitting you in this embarrassing state.”  
“It’s not going to ruin your life, man,” Wajeed said. “Relax.” He laughed at Dinesh and said, “Why are you so bad at smoking, though? It’s not that hard. It’s just, like...breathing.”  
“Maybe my body has fail-safes in place for terrible decisions,” he said.  
“Or you’re so deeply, deeply un-fun that nothing could make you more fun,” Wajeed replied. He laughed and stumbled.

Carmen Ruiz

Palo Alto, 2036

“I finished cleaning out the oven,” Carmen told her manager, Malcolm.  
“Thanks,” he said. “Hey, you want to come to a party when we get off?”   
“Oh, I can’t,” she said.  
“What do you mean you can’t?” he asked.   
She didn’t really want to tell her manager that she had to go home directly. She realized she could tell Beth she’d been asked to work late. “Well...I guess I could come for a little bit,” she said.  
“That’s the spirit,” he said.

When they walked into the party, Carmen wrinkled her nose at the smell. “There are drugs at this party?”   
He laughed and asked, “You didn’t strike me as uptight.”  
“I’m not. At all,” she said. “I just…” She sighed. Why did being a juvenile offender have to be so annoying.   
“Then relax,” he said as he led her towards the corner.  
“I haven’t relaxed in so long,” she told him.  
“Really?” he asked. “You seem like a fun girl.”   
“I was but now it’s like I just have to worry about keeping this job and--”  
He laughed and said, “Relax. You don’t have to worry about losing your shitty cafeteria job. You’re in no danger. I promise.”

Dinesh Chugtai

Palo Alto, 2036

Dinesh woke up when he heard a phone vibrating. He sat up and saw Gilfoyle was fast asleep. He walked over to the phone and softly whispered, “Please be a telemarketer. I am not emotionally prepared for one of Gilfoyle’s parents to be dead.” He flipped the phone over and saw the unknown number.  
“Hello?” he asked.  
“Shit. I must have the wrong number. Fuck.”  
“Were you trying to call Bertram Gilfoyle?” he asked, wondering who this could be.  
“Yes! Yeah.”   
“This is his phone. He’s asleep. Who is this?”  
“Dinesh? It’s Carmen Ruiz. I, uh, work in the cafeteria at Pied Piper and--”  
“I remember you,” Dinesh assured her, thinking about how weird it was that his husband had fatherly feelings for this person and she wasn’t even sure if he knew who she as.  
“I, um, I’m borrowing a stranger’s phone and they’re getting mad so just please please come pick me up the nearest house is 613 Forest Ave. Okay, they really want their phone back so bye.”

Dinesh pulled up and opened the door of his car. “Get in!” he called out, feeling terrified at the idea of this teenage girl sitting out here by herself.  
She got in the passenger seat.   
“Uh, you can put the address for your group home in the GPS,” he told her. She nodded and started plugging it in. He frowned and asked, “What if I hadn’t come? How long would you have waited there?”  
She shrugged.  
“What happened?” he asked.  
“I was at a party with drugs and underage drinking and the cops busted it, so I ran away. I don’t have a cell phone…”  
“Are you high right now?” he asked.  
“No, I didn’t have anything,” she said.  
“Then why did you have to runaway from the cops?”  
“Because it doesn’t matter whether I actually did anything or not,” she said. She groaned and said, “I’m already so fucked that I’m going to get home so late.”   
“Then why’d you go to the party?”   
She turned to him and asked, “Gilfoyle didn’t want to pick me up?”  
“Are you mad because you think Gilfoyle wouldn’t care that you went to a party which could completely ruin your future--”  
“I think Gilfoyle would realize I probably already know that I fucked up,” she said.  
“You know, I came and picked you up without asking any questions. Do you think most people would do that for you?”  
“I know that no one else would do that for me,” she said.  
Dinesh desperately wanted to change the subject so he asked, “How did you know Gilfoyle’s number?”  
“I keep his card on me,” she said. “It’s like I said, I know I don’t have anyone else who’ll help me if I need it.”   
“Well, you can call us anytime,” Dinesh said awkwardly, trying his best to be nice.  
“Why?” she asked.  
“What do you mean?” he asked.  
“I’d just like to know why you guys care at all what happens to me,” she said.  
“Shouldn’t you just be grateful?” he asked. She stared at him and he said, “...I’m sorry that Gilfoyle couldn’t pick you up like you wanted.”  
“No, it’s fine, I totally wanted someone to remind me I probably just ruined my life and then tell me to be grateful for a creepy amount of attention from strange men,” she said.  
Dinesh pulled up in front of the halfway house. “I don’t even know what to say to that,” he said. As she pushed the door open, he asked, “I mean, are you at least going to thank me?”   
She turned to look at him and said, “The way I see it, there are two possibilities. Either you came to help me because it was the obvious decent thing to do, in which case I don’t see why I have to thank you. Or you and Gilfoyle have some weird ulterior motive for caring about me, in which case I definitely shouldn’t thank you. Now, I have to go fight to not go back to juvie, sorry if I’m more concerned with that than the idea of hurting some billionaires feelings.” She stepped out of the car and he watched her walk back into the house.

When Dinesh got home, Gilfoyle was awake. “What the fuck? Where’ve you been? I was worried.”  
“I’m sorry,” he said as he let Gilfoyle wrap his arms around him. “I, um, Carmen called and needed help.” After a second, he said, “You know, that feeling you said you had of looking at her and feeling like she’s already your daughter and you love her?”  
“If you’ve brought it up to tell me again how ridiculous I’m being…” Gilfoyle said.  
“No, I, um...I’m starting to get it too,” he said.


	10. Chapter 10

Erlich Bachman

Palo Alto, 2035

 

“So, as you can see, when the board sees our annual earnings they’ll become real fannuals...of our trajectory,” Erlich said.   
Monica was barely looking up from her phone. “Yeah. Good,” she said.  
“What’s going on? I just gave you amazing news. And an amazing pun,” she said.  
She touched her temple and murmured, “That was not an amazing pun, Erlich. It was maybe a 4 out of 10. You could’ve said our current trajectory is a real tra-victory.”   
“Shit. That’s really good,” he said. He frowned and added, “But, you seem really distracted. What’s up?”   
She looked up and said, “Part of me wants to break up with Gregg.”  
“Why is that something you feel bad about? That’s great news,” Erlich said. “That’s a tra-victory.”   
“Well, it’s feeling like more of a tra-loss to me,” she told him, looking up. “I’m exhausted. I feel like I poured so much into that relationship and...I don’t know, I don’t want to just give up just because things aren’t perfect.”   
“Yeah, but that guy was an asshole,” he said. “He forgot your birthday and he spells Gregg with two Gs.”   
At the same time, he and Monica said, “Actually, three Gs.”   
Monica laughed a little as Erlich said, “You know what I mean.”   
Monica ran a hand through her hair and then said, “I don’t know how you do it.”   
“Do what?” Erlich asked.  
“I feel like I put so much work into relationships. Fretting and trying and overanalyzing and questioning and sticking around way longer than I should. You always seem so happy with who you’re with and then once you two aren’t happy anymore, you amicably break up. I mean, am I missing something? Please tell me that behind the scenes, there’s tension and weirdness. You can’t be so much better with people that you’re able to just figure this all out, I mean, even when there are kids involved? Just--”  
Erlich put his hands on her arms, “Monica. Respectfully. You’re babbling.”  
“I’m overanalyzing how much I overanalyze,” she said, frowning.  
“Well, it’s important that form mirrors content,” Erlich said.  
Monica laughed hard. Erlich grinned at her as she kept laughing. “Oh my God,” she said, happily.  
“Relationships aren’t easy for anyone,” he said. “For the record, not being with Rose or Melodee was not an easy decision.” Monica nodded a little and then, in the spirit of full disclosure, he said, “And also wasn’t my decision. But that’s not relevant to this conversation.”  
Monica frowned with sympathy at that bit of information, but then quickly hid it, knowing that Erlich wouldn’t want any pity.   
“You’re really good at all this stuff,” he continued, gesturing at all of the charts and information in the annual reports. “Scary good at it. But, you can’t make graphs for relationships, you just have to listen to your gut. It’ll tell you whether someone should go from being a boyfriend to a friend or vis versa.”  
She nodded. “Right. My gut.”  
“Yeah, that’s the only thing that can tell you. No one else,” Erlich said. “Although, for the record, Gregg is terrible. The man once asked me who Fatlip is. Fatlip. I mean, the ignorance.”  
“I don’t know who that is,” Monica told him.  
“Well, it’s endearing coming from you,” Erlich said.  
She laughed and said, “Thanks, Erlich.”   
“You’re welcome,” he said.  
“I mean, for everything, not just...being understanding about me not knowing Fatlip,” she said.  
“No problem,” he said. “I mean...I am going to send you some tracks because that is unacceptable, but you’re welcome.”

Glitter Bachman

Palo Alto, 2035

Glitter was texting while vaguely listening to a couple of producers on her reality show arguing about whether her being in the STEM club would be a compelling storyline.   
“It would make her more approachable. Show she actually does things a real person would do occasionally,” someone said.   
“That’s the problem. No one wants to see her that way,” someone said. “I’d rather see her with more boys.”   
She looked up to say, “I only said I was thinking about it. Wait for me to decide what I want to do before you decide whether it fits into the show.”   
A producer made a noncommittal noise. “I mean it. If I want to do something that doesn’t fit in with your narrative of me, I’ll do it. You can cut it out if you want, but I’m not going to date some boy instead,” she said, glaring at the woman who’d said that before she walked out of the room. 

Glitter was disgusted when Dre told her that Kira spends lunch in the cafeteria. Who does that?  
She wrinkled her nose as she walked in there. She’d never been in the cafeteria during lunchtime before and it was just a swarm of people she didn’t want to talk to. There were trading card games happening.  
She found Kira sitting by herself with a book. “Hey,” she said.  
Kira looked up and her eyes widened when she saw who was talking to her. “Uh, hi.”  
“Is this STEM Club remotely worth my time?” she asked. “I’m not joining anything where our biggest accomplishment will be making a paper mache model of a cell.”   
“We do real stuff,” she said. “And if you join, I’m sure it’ll be great.”  
“Fine,” she said. “I’m in.” 

Erlich Bachman

Palo Alto, 2019

Erlich watched Melodee with concern while they waited for the nurse to call them in for a sonogram. Erlich was happy with the news, but something definitely felt off.  
“You don’t seem very happy about this,” he told her.   
“I’m happy to be having a baby,” she assured him. He was still looking at her with concern so she repeated, “Really. I’m happy about the baby. I just...wish that it hadn’t been you.”  
After a second, he said, “I can’t help but be a little hurt by that, if I’m being honest.”  
“I didn’t-- I’m sorry,” she said. “I meant, people are always going to see me as the stripper who conveniently got knocked up by a billionaire.”  
“People? What people?”  
“My family. Your family. Random people. You’re one of the richest men in America, do you honestly think this wouldn’t be talked about? I’m going to be Monica Lewinsky’d in the press.”  
Erlich smiled a little and said, “I mean, I don’t know if I’m as powerful as a President, but I guess one could argue that people who build business empires--”  
“Erlich!” she snapped.  
“I’m sorry,” he said, refocusing. “Look, who cares what those people think?”  
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one people are going to be judging,” she said.   
“But, you can ignore what other people think as long as you know that you’re not like that,” Erlich said.  
She looked down at the floor unhappily.  
“What?” he asked.  
“I am like that,” she said softly. “I really tried to figure out a way to do it on my own. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner. And then planning and thinking about all the bills…”   
He frowned and said, “Melodee, respectfully, you are very wrong on this issue.” He put a hand on her back and said, “Needing money for your child to live and asking for it from me, the person who also made that child exist, is not the same as being a gold digger.”   
“It just looks bad,” she murmured.  
“Because it’s me,” he said. “And I’m more equipped to give you and our kid everything you need than most guys you’ve been with. Well, I refuse to apologize for how lucky that kid is and how awesome our lives are going to be.”   
She nodded a little. He knew he wasn’t going to be get a legitimate smile out of her, at least not today, so he accepted the nod as a win. The nurse called them in.   
“Come on, let’s go see how fucking great our baby is.”


	11. Chapter 11

Kira Hendricks-Dunn  
Palo Alto, 2035

Kira smiled shyly at Glitter as she followed her out of STEM Club after Glitter’s first meeting. “You were so great in there,” she told her.  
“I know,” Glitter agreed, not looking up from her phone.  
“I had no idea you had so many cool ideas for hardware and stuff,” Kira told her.  
“Mm,” Glitter said. She looked up from her phone and looked over Kira, in a way that made her very nervous. Kira shifted back and forth.  
“Do you ever think about how tragic it is for you to be so rich and still dress like that?”  
“Yeah,” Kira said, nodding.  
“So why don’t you just, y’know...shop or whatever?” Glitter asked.  
Kira sighed and said, “I don’t know. I just don’t get it. All clothes look the same to me. I just grab stuff and…” She looked down, embarrassed having to explain to Glitter that, basically, she just wasn’t as good at being a girl as her.  
“It’s kind of easy once you start working at it, if that makes sense. You can always copy your outfits directly from magazines until you start to get it,” she said. “And you can learn make up that way too.”   
Kira shifted some more uncomfortably. “Uh-huh,” she said, wondering how ugly Glitter thought she was.  
“It must be hard with two dads,” she said. “My mom started teaching me make up when I was, like...five.”   
“Oh,” Kira said.  
“But, you can learn. You should go to the stylist I always go to. As soon as I started going to her, I realized my mom really had no idea what she was doing beauty-wise. That’s why I looked like such a hot mess in middle school,” she said. Kira nodded, thinking about how jealous she’d been of Glitter’s looks throughout elementary and middle school. Glitter grabbed Kira’s hand and took out a gel pen. She wrote down a phone number on Kira’s arm. 

Richard Hendricks

Palo Alto, 2035

As soon as Richard sat down at the dinner table, Jared started nudging him under the table. Richard looked at him with confusion. “What…”  
Jared indicated Kira.   
Richard looked at her and after a second said, “Oh...you’re wearing make up.”  
“Uh, yeah,” she said, looking down at her plate. “Does it look bad?”  
“No,” Richard said. He noticed Jared looking at him and uncertainly asked, “Yes?”  
“What?!” Kira asked.  
“What Richard means to say,” Jared said. “Is we’re worried about your self-esteem. What brought this on?”  
“Nothing,” she said. “Most girls my age wear make up.”  
“And it’s that important to you to fit in?” Jared asked. “Is this about a boy? Is it about Dre? Does he not love you for you?”  
Richard put a hand on Jared’s leg and softly said, “Jared baby…”  
“I’ve only hung out with Dre a couple of times, dad. Why would he…” She wrinkled her nose, “love me for me?”  
“Okay, I may have gotten ahead of myself,” Jared said. “But, what made you decide to wear make up so suddenly? You didn’t have that when you left the house today. Where’d you go after school today?”  
“I kinda went to this stylist Glitter recommended,” Kira said. “Just to try it out.” Kira defensively added, “I used my allowance. I didn’t put it on credit or anything.”  
“Do you want to be more like Glitter?” Jared asked her.  
“I guess. I mean, I want to be pretty and stuff,” Kira said.  
“You’re really beautiful already!” Richard chimed in, proud of himself for actually knowing what to say this time.  
She gave him a little smile and said, “Yes, dad, thank you. It’s just something I’m trying. I’m not...not allowed to wear make up and do my hair up, right?” she asked.  
“No, of course not,” Richard said, before hesitating and turning to Jared.  
“No, you are free to do what you want,” Jared agreed. “But, have you thought about this? Have you made a pros and cons list? I just don’t want your self-esteem to be dependent on something fake or…” He trailed off, losing confidence in his train of thought.   
Kira stared at him blankly.   
Richard threw in his default response when ever things were getting to girly and unknown to him: “Have you talked to Monica about this?”  
Kira looked at them reassuringly and said, “Good idea. I will talk to Monica about it.” 

Richard Hendricks

Tulsa, 2004

Richard had circled the mall four times, still too nervous to actually enter the Hot Topic. When he was a kid he’d been scared because the entrance was made to look like the gates of hell. Now he was scared because of the people inside. The beautiful, cool, judgmental people.  
“Hey you!” someone said from inside.  
He frowned. He hadn’t even gone inside and they’d still noticed him. He looked behind him to see if maybe they were talking to someone else.  
“You in the terrible sweater. Come in,” the girl said.   
He walked inside. “Hey,” he said nervously. “Um, hi.”  
“Why weren’t you coming inside? Do you not have any money?” the Hot Topic employee asked.  
“No, I-- I have some,” he said. “I just...I don’t know if I’m...someone who can shop...here,” he said. The girl working was so pretty. And had so many piercings.   
“Sure you can,” she said.  
He grinned a little and asked, “Really?”  
“Why don’t you start with something basic?” she suggested. “Like a hoodie.” She gestured to the wall of them.  
He walked over and started looking at them. “I mean...I don’t really know any of these bands. I mean, that’s not true, I know The Beatles obviously...oh and Nirvana...I think I know 50% of them? Maybe more like 40%...”  
“Uh-huh,” she said. She grabbed a black hoodie with a purple pattern on it. “Why don’t you try this one. No band reference. Just basic.”  
“Okay,” he said, trying it on. “Thank you.”  
“Yeah, after this you’ll be super-cool,” she said with a little laugh.  
He did a double take and then uncertainly said, “Okay...thank you…”


	12. Chapter 12

Richard Hendriks  
Palo Alto, 2035

Richard watched as everyone around him started cheering. “Did something good happen?” he asked.  
“Yeah, our team got a homerun,” Kira told him.  
“How did you get so good at knowing this stuff?” Richard asked.  
“You’ve brought me to these charity games with you my whole life,” she said.  
“It’s never taught me anything,” he said, squinting at the field like that would help him de-code what was happening.  
He turned to Kira and asked, “So, uh...did you talk to Monica about the whole wearing make up to impress boys thing?”  
“I never said it was for boys,” Kira reminded him.  
“Oh yeah. It was because Glitter told you to,” Richard said.  
“She didn’t tell me to, she just pointed out it’s kind of weird for me to have billions of dollars and still going around looking just…”  
“What? Do you think you look bad?” he asked.  
“I don’t know,” she said. “Yeah, I guess so.’  
Richard wrinkled up his nose.  
“Dad, can’t you remember some time before you met Jared when it seemed important to you to be hot? You didn’t always just assume you’d meet someone who loves your soul or whatever?”  
Richard nodded. “Yeah. You’re right. The idea of you growing up and worrying about that stuff just kind of freaks me out, I guess.”  
“I’ve always worried about it,” Kira murmured.   
Richard frowned at her.  
“It’s not easy always being around Glitter, you know,” Kira said. “I’m constantly compared to the most beautiful girl in the world. I just want to try to keep up a little bit so the difference isn’t embarrassing?”  
“If I said you’re as beautiful as Glitter, that would mean nothing coming from me, right?” Richard asked.  
Kira nodded and said, “Yeah, but it’s still nice to hear it.”

Kira Hendriks-Dunn  
Palo Alto, 2035

Kira arrived early to STEM club. Glitter was sitting there, fixing her make up without looking at a reflection. Kira watched, feeling impressed.  
“Sit,” Glitter said.  
Kira sat down. She opened her new purse full of make up and started digging around for something to take out.  
Glitter looked over and smiled a little. “Want me to touch up your eyeliner?”  
“Uh, okay,” Kira said. She closed her eyes and felt the eyeliner against her. “You’re being, uh...nice lately.”  
“Am I usually mean?” Glitter asked.  
“I don’t know. You don’t usually talk to me,” Kira said.  
“You don’t talk to me either,” Glitter said.  
“Do you want me to?” Kira asked.  
“Not particularly.”  
Kira tried to think of a subject change. “This make up stuff is a lot of work.”  
“Yeah,” Glitter said.  
“My dads think I’m worrying too much about what boys think of me,” Kira said.  
“Who brought up boys?” Glitter asked.  
“I guess they just figured that’s why I’d want to look better,” Kira said.  
Glitter snorted. “Done,” she said after a second.  
She opened her eyes and Glitter held up a mirror. Kira grinned. “That looks so good.” She frowned and asked, “Was that really narcissistic of me to say?”  
Glitter laughed. “No,” she said. “It looks good.”  
Kira smiled. “Do you put so much work into it to impress boys?” she asked.  
“No, boys are easy,” she said.  
Kira looked away. That definitely wasn’t her experience.   
“I just like being the best at everything I do,” Glitter said. “You’re kind of like that too, right?”  
“I usually feel like I’m...just getting by, you know? Just trying to not be the worst.”  
Glitter laughed and said, “You’re too hard on yourself. That’s how beautiful geniuses are. I would know.”  
Kira blinked at her, curiously.  
The other guys in the club started walking in, Glitter whispered, “Oh no. The nerd brigade is here.”

Richard Hendriks  
Palo Alto, 2014

Richard was about to clock out when Aly and Jason walked up to him. “Uh, hey,” he said as he felt his stomach sink with dread.  
“Hey, man,” Jason said. “We were just heading to the gym. You in?”  
“Oh, I’ve gotta…you know...get home,” he said. “Work on my website.”  
“Hey, no reason to let yourself go though, right?” Aly asked.  
Richard laughed nervously. “Yeah, I think I’m just...just gonna live with, um...letting myself go.”  
They both laughed before walking away.   
Richard cringed and looked down at the floor. He reminded himself for the millionth time that he had to get out of this job.


	13. Chapter 13

Jared Dunn  
Palo Alto, 2035

“Good morning,” Jared said, setting down the beautifully arranged tray of breakfast he’d made.  
Richard opened his eyes and sat up. He grinned and said, “Happy anniversary.”  
“Happy anniversary,” Jared said, kissing him.  
Richard took a sip of his coffee and then noticed the envelope on the tray. “What is it?” he asked nervously, knowing Jared probably completely overdid his gift.  
He opened it and saw two tickets to the Bahamas.   
“Wow,” he said. “Are you sure we should…”   
“I’ve already talked to Monica and Erlich to make sure they’ll have things handled at Pied Piper while we’re gone,” Jared told him. “I think we could use a second honeymoon.”  
Richard frowned and asked, “Why? We’re not in trouble, are we? I’m not neglecting you... am I?”  
“No,” Jared said reassuringly. “I just think it’d be nice.”  
“It would be nice,” Richard said, looking down at the tickets. “Can Kira stay with Monica?”  
“That’s the only thing I needed to talk to you about,” Jared said. “Monica isn’t sure she’s up for it with all the breakup drama with Gregg. So...I think she could stay with either Dinesh and Gilfoyle or Erlich.”  
Richard wrinkled his nose. Jared nodded slightly, co-signing Richard’s silent point. “How do we not have more boring and uptight friends?” Richard asked. “I mean, we’re so…”  
“It is surprising,” Jared said.   
“I guess Erlich knows how to take care of kids,” Richard said. Even though he’d seen Erlich’s fathering in action, that still just felt strange to him.  
“I was thinking maybe we should ask Dinesh and Gilfoyle,” Jared said. “I think they might want to give it a try.”  
Richard wrinkled up his forehead and asked, “Why?”  
Jared grinned and said, “They’re thinking of becoming foster parents.”  
Richard nodded and said, “Alright. But, we have to give Gilfoyle a very clear list of things she’s not allowed to do.” He frowned and then said, “Wait, no, then he’d just definitely do all of them.” 

Kira Hendriks-Dunn  
Palo Alto, 2035

Kira was sitting in bed, feeling freaked out. She’d had a vivid dream. It was a good dream, but now it was hitting her exactly what it meant. Because Glitter had been in the dream and she’d been very naked. Kira felt guilty and awkward and like Glitter would somehow know.  
When there was a knock on the door, she called out, “Uh, come in.”  
Her dads walked in and sat down. She wondered for a second if they were here to intervene about her dirty dreams. When that bizarre instinct wore off, she shook her head and said, “Oh, it’s your anniversary today, isn’t it? Happy anniversary.”  
“Thanks,” Richard said.  
“That’s what we wanted to talk to you about,” Jared said. “We have a vacation planned for next week to celebrate.”  
Kira nodded a little and said, “Oh, that’s nice. You guys deserve it.” She felt her heart speed up as she asked, “Wait, would I...would I stay with Erlich and…” She swallowed nervously.  
“We were actually thinking of asking Dinesh and Gilfoyle if you could stay there,” Richard told her. “Would that be okay?”   
“Oh yeah. That sounds good,” she said.  
Jared tilted his head and asked, “I mean, if you want us to ask Erlich…”  
“No!” she said quickly. “No, I think staying with Dinesh and Gilfoyle would be better. Thanks.” 

Donald (Jared) Dunn  
Poughkeepsie, 2003

Donald pulled Tom’s chair out for him. “Aaw, you’re so old-fashioned,” Tom said as he sat down.  
Donald smiled proudly.   
Tom looked around the Olive Garden and said, “You know, I thought this was gonna be like a real date.”  
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I want to,” Donald told him. So far all of his romantic experience involved people at parties expecting him to drunkenly hook up with them.  
“Like a date somewhere nice,” Tom clarified.  
“Oh...” Donald said. “Because this is the nicest place I could afford…” In reality, he could barely afford it. He’d just barely been able to pick up enough extra shifts to take Tom out.  
“Oh my God, are you, like, on welfare or something?” Tom asked.  
“Um…” Jared wasn’t sure how to respond to that.  
“I mean, I know you’re not, like, supposed to ask people that,” Tom said with a laugh. “Don’t worry. I’m like informed and believe in socialism and everything.” He looked around at the Olive Garden again and added, “But...I guess I’m old-fashioned when it comes to dating and, y’know, wanting things to be romantic.”  
“I’ll do better next time,” Donald said.  
“So, you just assume there’ll be a next time?” Tom asked.  
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mea--”  
Tom laughed and said, “Relax. I’m fucking with you.” He grabbed a cocktail menu and said, “This could be fun if we get drunk enough.”  
Donald frowned, silently berating himself for not factoring in the possibility of Tom ordering drinks when he’d planned his budget.


	14. Chapter 14

Bertram Gilfoyle  
Palo Alto, 2035

Gilfoyle sat down next to Dinesh and pulled him into his lap. “I just got off the phone with Jared,” he told him.  
“You two are getting so chummy. Are you having an affair?” Dinesh asked.  
Gilfoyle punched Dinesh lightly and said, “Shut up. Don’t make me picture sex with Jared.” He nuzzled Dinesh and then said, “He wants to know if we can take care of Kira for a week.”  
Dinesh wrinkled up his nose.  
“I thought you liked Kira,” he said.  
“No, no I do,” he said. “I just love being alone so much.”  
Gilfoyle smiled affectionately at him and said, “I know, babe.” He kissed his forehead and said, “But teen girls love being alone too. You two can both sit in your bedrooms and never see each other.”  
“That sounds perfect,” Dinesh said.  
“Jared said it’d be a chance to try out parenting,” Gilfoyle said. “He’s still on this foster parent kick. That’s silly of him, right?” Gilfoyle scanned Dinesh’s face. He hadn’t brought Carmen up again since Dinesh had admitted he could see them fostering her.  
Dinesh wrapped his arms around Gilfoyle’s neck and pulled him close so he could kiss him. “It’s silly but he’s also right. I can tell you want to be a parent.”   
“Do you?” Gilfoyle asked.  
“It seems like the right thing to do,” Dinesh said. “It feels weird to let a girl live in a shitty group home just because I’m hesitant about parenting.”   
“Well, don’t do it just because of morality,” Gilfoyle said without any conviction.  
Dinesh squeezed Gilfoyle’s hand.   
Carmen Ruiz  
Palo Alto, 2035

“And is it true you broke curfew last week?” Carmen’s social worker Diane asked her.  
“Yes,” Carmen said. “I’ve already been punished with extra chores, which I have been doing.”  
“Why were you late?”  
“I went to a party with the manager at my new job,” she said. She was eager to change the subject, so she said, “I’m working at the food court at Pied Piper.”  
Diane raised an eyebrow and said, “Pied Piper. That’s not the kind of company I usually see you girls working for.”  
“It’s just the food court,” she reiterated. When she saw that Diane was still looking at her with surprise, she said, “The, uh, CFO or CTO or something like that recommended me for the job.”  
“Really? Do you have any idea why someone like that would take an interest in you?”  
Carmen clenched her jaw. “He just likes me.”   
Diane uncapped her pen and looked at Carmen with interest as she asked, “What exactly do you mean by that?”  
Carmen put her face in her hands. “Oh my God, he’s married. To a man.”  
“Why do you bring that up?” Diane asked.  
“Because I know you’re thinking that the only way someone who’s smart and successful could think I’m worthwhile is if he’s totally creepy,” she said. “I know you’ll never believe this, but Gilfoyle thinks I’m smart.”   
“I believe you,” Diane said. “What did you say his name was? Gilfoyle? How is that spelled?”  
Carmen looked at her suspiciously. “Why?”  
“He got you a job. If he wants to help you on your path, then that sounds like someone we should reach out to,” Diane said.  
“I don’t want to ask him for anything else,” Carmen said. “I don’t want to overstep.”  
Diane nodded and said, “Of course. I’d still like to talk to him.”

Bertram Gilfoyle  
Quebec, 2006

“Are you alright, Mr. Gilfoyle?” Glenn, the admissions officer from McGill, asked.   
“I’m fine,” Gilfoyle said. He was well-aware that he in no way looked fine.  
Glenn stared at his blood shot eyes and asked, “Are you high, Mr. Gilfoyle?”  
“No,” he said quickly. “Absolutely not.” Since the admissions officer still looked suspiciously, he reluctantly admitted, “I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was sleeping on a park bench.”  
Glenn stared at him.  
“I spent all my money on my bus ticket here,” he said.  
“All your money?” Glenn repeated. “Did you come here unaccompanied?”  
“I’m living my life unaccompanied at the moment,” Gilfoyle told him. “My parents and I aren’t on speaking terms.”  
“So you came here from…”   
“Toronto,” Gilfoyle said.  
“You came here from Toronto by yourself and then slept on a park bench.”  
“Yeah, that’s correct.”  
“Mr. Gilfoyle, do you understand that interviews are not mandatory in situations where it’s not feasible for the applicant to make the interview?” Glenn asked.  
“There are things about my transcript that I thought you would have questions about and I felt I’d probably have to be here in person to explain them to you,” he said.  
Glenn looked down at the transcript.   
“I know I haven’t attended school a lot the past couple years,” Gilfoyle said. “And that I served some time in juvenile detention.”  
Glenn waited for him to continue with an explanation.  
“I wasn’t really into the idea of school for a while,” he said.  
“That’s the explanation you traveled by yourself from Toronto to give me? You weren’t into the idea of school?”  
“As you can see, my record my freshman and sophomore years was perfect. So, I can do well when I apply myself.” When Glenn didn’t look convinced, Gilfoyle added, “You know, most high school seniors are completely spoiled. They take education for granted.”   
“And what about this record should convince me that you’re not taking education for granted?”  
“As someone who spent a lot of time not giving a shit and then hit rock bottom, I am now more likely than anyone to give a shit.”  
“Hit rock bottom? Would you like to elaborate on that?”  
“No, I wouldn’t,” Gilfoyle said. He could see the exhaustion in the admissions officer’s eyes. “Look, I don’t really believe in excuses. That’s the one stupid puritan morality thing from my parents that I guess rubbed off on me. So, I don’t have a moving speech for you. I just want to know: would you consider me if I got a perfect score on my SAT, my ACT and my AP tests in every subject?”  
Glenn sighed, then said, “Mr. Gilfoyle, in that unlikely scenario--”  
“It’s not unlikely,” Gilfoyle said, gritting his teeth.  
“In that scenario,” Glenn said. “The admissions board would still like to see some proof that you know how to apply your intelligence to your education.”  
“Perfect attendance for the rest of the school year, for a start.”  
Gilfoyle felt his stomach sink at the idea of facing all those teachers again but he just nodded.  
“And I’d like your letters of recommendation to come from teachers you had as an upperclassmen,” Glenn said.  
Gilfoyle let out a breath, thinking of the glowing letters he would’ve gotten from his freshman math and science teachers going out the window. “Fine,” he said.  
“You should also resume communication with your parents,” Glenn said.  
“How is that relevant to the quality of my application, exactly?” Gilfoyle asked.  
“It’s relevant to the quality of your life, Mr. Gilfoyle,” he said.  
Gilfoyle clenched his jaw and then said, “If that of the interview over, I’d like to tell you about my passion for computer programming.”


	15. Chapter 15

Dinesh Chugtai  
Palo Alto, 2035

“Don’t fuck this up,” Dinesh said as he tied Gilfoyle’s tie for him.  
“What makes you think I’m going to fuck it up?”  
“You’re not great with authority figures,” Dinesh reminded him.  
Gilfoyle gasped sarcastically. “What? This is new information. Oh my God.”  
Dinesh finished tying his tie and shoved him. “I’m serious. Normally, your rebellious streak is adorable, but we don’t know why Carmen’s social worker wants to talk to us. It could be something really important, like them deciding whether or not to send her back to juvenile detention.”  
“Do you realize that you always say ‘normally your rebellious streak is adorable, but’? Do you not really think I’m adorable?”  
“I think you’re absolutely precious,” Dinesh assured him before kissing him.  
“Gilfoyle!” Kira called from downstairs. “Dinesh! Your guest is here.”

“I’m Bertram Gilfoyle. This is my husband Dinesh. Nice to meet you,” Gilfoyle said, shaking Diane’s hand.  
“Who was that?” Diane asked curiously, watching Kira walk away.  
“Oh, we collect teenage girls here,” Gilfoyle said.  
Dinesh turned and stared at him.  
Gilfoyle cringed at himself and said, “I apologize sincerely. My instinct is to fuck with authority figures. That girl is our best friend’s daughter. She’s staying with us while her parents celebrate their anniversary.”  
“Come in. I’ll make you some tea,” Dinesh said. As Diane walked into the living room, Dinesh turned to Gilfoyle and asked, “Are you fucking kidding me?”  
“That’s the one time I’ll mess up,” Gilfoyle assured him. 

“So, what did you want to speak to us about?” Gilfoyle asked once Dinesh had poured tea for everyone.  
“I just wanted to check in and see how Carmen is doing. I know that she’s working at your company,” Diane said.  
“Do you always visit the CTOs of someone’s company and not, you know, a manager?” Gilfoyle asked. Dinesh gave him a warning look about his tone.  
“It’s not every day someone takes interest in one of our girls and helps them out,” Diane said. “Especially someone who’s donated ten million dollars to our program over the years.”  
Gilfoyle blinked. “That’s how much we’ve been giving?” he asked.  
“Every year Jared says we can donate instead of giving him a Christmas present and I don’t want to think about what Jared might like so it’s a great deal,” Dinesh told him.  
Gilfoyle nodded and said, “Makes sense.”   
“Could you talk to me a bit about what is special to you about Carmen?”  
“Do you not think she’s special?” Gilfoyle asked defensively.  
Dinesh stroked his leg and softly said, “Be nice.”  
“Do you not think she’s special?” Gilfoyle asked again, with slightly less edge to his voice.  
Diane hesitated and then said, “Of course all our girls are special, but--”  
“That was very convincing,” Gilfoyle chimed in.  
“She hasn’t done very well by any of our metrics,” Diane said.  
“Well, maybe your metrics are fucking terrible,” Gilfoyle said.  
“I’d just like to hear what makes her special from your perspective,” Diane said.  
“What makes her special should be obvious,” Gilfoyle said.  
Dinesh could tell that was all he was going to give, so he chimed in, “She’s a strong person. She’s a realist and a fighter. These are qualities we happen to value more than just who follows the rules.”   
“Are you two interested in fostering her?” Diane asked.  
Gilfoyle looked at her uncertainly. “Is that possible?”  
“If it were, would you be interested in that?” Diane asked.  
Gilfoyle turned to Dinesh, who squeezed his hand. “Yes, we’d be very interested in that.”

Carmen Ruiz  
Palo Alto, 2035

“I will have whatever turbot la crote de comt is,” Carmen said. “And for an appetizer I’ll have whatever le bisque de homard is. And also I will have some of whatever merlot is.”  
“That last one is alcohol and you know it,” Dinesh said.  
“Maybe we should just let her have it,” Gilfoyle said.  
“Gilfoyle,” Dinesh said, shaking his head.  
“Fine. I’ll have Sprite.”  
After Dinesh and Gilfoyle ordered their food, Carmen asked, “So, do you have something you want to ask me?”  
“Maybe we should wait until we have our food,” Dinesh said nervously.  
“I think if you do have something to ask me, you should do it now,” Carmen said.  
“Would you be at all open to us fostering you?” Gilfoyle asked.  
Carmen could hear the slight shake in his voice and was excited to think anyone actually cared about her that much. “No thanks,” she said. They both stared at her. “No, I’m just fucking with you.”  
Gilfoyle grinned affectionately. Dinesh stared between the two of them. “Oh my God, there’s two of you.”  
“Yeah, because you’re never a sarcastic shit,” Gilfoyle said, squeezing him affectionately. He gave him a little kiss and then said, “Sorry. Is it weird to see your parental figures kiss in front of you?”  
“Yeah, that’s definitely the weird part of my parents suddenly being a white guy and a Pakistani guy who live in a mansion.”  
Gilfoyle laughed. Dinesh leaned in a little and asked, “Do, you um...I mean...if you ever want to talk to us about your real parents…”   
A dark look came over Carmen’s face for just a moment before she smiled and said, “Aren’t you guys my real parents now?”   
Gilfoyle grinned and said, “That was the most adorable question dodge I’ve ever seen. It’s just like I raised you myself.”   
Carmen blinked rapidly, not wanting to look like an emotional baby in front of them.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinesh and Gilfoyle adjust to life as foster parents.

Carmen Ruiz  
Palo Alto, 2035

Carmen was surprised by how weird it felt being at Dinesh and Gilfoyle’s house. She liked them. She felt much closer to them than she had to any adults. It didn’t exactly make sense, but for whatever reason, she felt a bond with them. Plus, she was rich now. She’d never imagined anything like this happening. She’d seen all the movies like Annie and never bought it. But, here she was.  
So, things were good, but there was a weirdness and an awkwardness she didn’t expect. Dinesh and Gilfoyle seemed terrified of overdoing it or smothering her. She liked that they were concerned with giving her space, but part of her deep down wanted to feel parented for real. Their parenting style involved a lot of asking if she was hungry and then nervously walking away.   
She had a wing of the mansion basically to herself. After always being crammed into homes with other girls, it was weird having so much space and so much quiet.  
She was lying on her bed-- which still didn’t feel like it was actually her bed-- and blasting The Smiths when she heard a knock on the door.   
“Can I come in?” Dinesh asked. “It’s fine if you want to say no.”  
“Yeah, come in,” she said.   
Dinesh popped his head in and said, “Hey, so, on Fridays our friends all have dinner. This week we’re hosting it. You might think it’s boring, but sometimes they bring there kids so there could be other teens there. Anyway, feel free to come. Or not. I mean, you can always eat in your room if you’d rather. It’s no pressure…”  
“I’ll have dinner with your friends,” Carmen said.   
“Great. Then we will see you tonight,” Dinesh said.

Carmen put on a nice dress that Gilfoyle had bought her the week before and took a while carefully doing her hair and make up. She had this horrible feeling that once Dinesh and Gilfoyle’s friends met her, they’d tell them they’d made a horrible mistake letting a street rat into their home.

When Carmen came downstairs, Dinesh and Gilfoyle were drinking wine with a pretty brunette woman.   
“Hey,” she said as she sat down. “I’m Carmen.”   
“Monica,” the woman said, she leaned forward and said, “Listen, if you ever have stuff that you can only talk about with another woman, I’m here.”  
“Thanks,” Carmen said. She grabbed a bunch of cheese from the spread on the table.   
The door opened and another woman let herself in. “Hey, you must be Carmen,” she said as she brushed her bangs out of her face. “I’m Carla.” She sat down next to Carmen and also grabbed a handful of cheese. “Hey, if you ever have any woman problems that are of the ‘I did something disgusting and/or illegal’ variety, feel free to come to me.”   
“I don’t think she’ll need…” Dinesh looked down at the floor unhappily. 

Once everyone had arrived, they moved to the dining room table. Carmen noticed that Jared wouldn’t stop grinning at her. She looked from Gilfoyle to Jared and back to Gilfoyle. “What’s up with him?”   
“I was in the foster system too,” Jared told him. “I encouraged Gilfoyle to get involved.”   
“Wait, so this whole thing wasn’t even his idea?” Carmen stood up and banged her hands on the table. “I thought you actually wanted a foster kid, but you were just doing what your weird tall friend wanted you to do? Fuck you.”   
Jared stared at her with a panicked look on his face. “Oh no! I didn’t-- Gilfoyle wanted--”  
Carmen laughed happily and sat back down. Gilfoyle grinned proudly at her.  
“Hey, Carmen, I’m sorry my amazing kids aren’t here to meet you, but are you going to come to their amazing Halloween party this weekend?”   
“Oh, um…”  
“Well, Carmen is a juvenile delinquent. She could get in trouble for the sorts of substances your kids have at your parties,” Jared said.   
“I really don’t think the cops are going to get called on the party in my mansion in a gated neighborhood,” Erlich told him. “Rich kids don’t get in trouble for that kind of stuff. Of which Carmen is now one, in fact.”   
“Well, right now she’s only being fostered by Dinesh and Gilfoyle,” Jared reminded him.  
Carmen stared down at her lap.   
“Carmen, do you want to go to this party?” Gilfoyle asked.   
Carmen looked up.  
“Kind of, yeah,” she said. She noticed the look on Dinesh’s face and asked, “Is that okay?”   
Dinesh leaned over to Gilfoyle and said, “You know, Jared and Richard don't let Kira go to those parties.”  
“Kira doesn’t get invited to those parties, actually,” Erlich said. “And you’re not even trying to whisper. I’m at the other end of the table and can very easily hear you.”  
“I just feel like Carmen’s choices are her own,” Gilfoyle said.  
“No, they’re actually not. It’s the entire point of being parents,” Dinesh reminded him.  
“Did you just say that keeping your kids from making their own choices is the entire point of parenting?” Gilfoyle asked.  
“I let my kids and their friends party in the house where they’re safe. It’s called responsibility,” Erlich said.  
“Or sometimes responsibility is keeping your kids at home where they’re not doing drugs,” Richard said, twitching awkwardly.   
“Can we talk about literally anything else? Because conversations about parenting are boring as fuck,” Carla said. She turned to Carmen and asked, “What’s your favorite movie?” 

Dinesh & Gilfoyle  
Palo Alto, 2035

Dinesh and Gilfoyle sat at the table after everyone had gone and Carmen was up in her room.   
“I feel like we should apologize to Carmen,” Dinesh said. “For not having basic shit like whether she can go to parties hammered out before we decided we’re ready to be parents.” Gilfoyle sat with his arms crossed, silently. Dinesh couldn’t tell what he was thinking, so he continued, “It seems like we put zero thought into this. That can’t feel good for her.”  
Gilfoyle nodded. “You’re right. But, before we apologize for not having shit figured out, we should probably figure shit out.”  
“Agreed,” Dinesh said. He bit his lip and waited. When Gilfoyle didn’t say anything, he said, “I sort of expected you to take the wheel on this.”  
“Me? With responsibility? I thought as the person in this relationship whose parents still return their phone calls, you would want to take charge.”   
Dinesh turned and tilted his head at him. “Why did you lie just now?”   
“What?”  
“Why would you say your parents don’t return your phone calls? You don’t make phone calls to your parents.”  
“Right. Same thing. We don’t talk, is the point.”  
“No, it’s a very different point,” Dinesh said. “You don’t call them because you hate them. Because you’re a person like Carmen. And they just kept you from making your own choices.” He looked down at his lap and said, “I don’t want her to hate me. And I don’t want you to hate me as a result of her hating me. It’s a terrifying two-for-one.”  
“Neither of us could ever hate you,” Gilfoyle told him.   
“Why not?” Dinesh asked. “I’m a boring rulemaker.”  
“Yeah, but you’re also a huge pussy and if either of us really, truly wanted to do something, you could never stop us,” Gilfoyle said.  
Dinesh slowly smiled and kissed him. He pushed on his shoulder so that he was lying down on the couch and started kissing him harder.   
He pulled away. “I think I heard someone on the steps,” he said.   
They walked over to the staircase and saw Carmen going up the steps.   
“How long have you been there?” Gilfoyle asked.  
“I was listening for the whole conversation. I liked hearing you guys be concerned about me, but then you started getting all, uh...you know...and that was weird, so…”  
“Hey, if it weren’t for us touching each other, you wouldn’t exist, young lady,” Gilfoyle said, deadpan.  
Carmen laughed. After a second, she said, “So, uh, I don’t care that much what decision you make about the party. It will probably be boring. But, actually, it’ll probably be super fun, so I hope you let me go. My main point is...I just like hearing you worrying about parenting stuff because it’s cool that you care and stuff.”   
Dinesh put his hand on her shoulder and said, “I care so much. Please just know that because I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m going to make a lot of mistakes.”  
“Yeah. I got the impression you’re pretty scared,” she said.  
“Yeah, please don’t tell the people who run your foster program this, but we’re the least responsible people in the world. We love cats but we’ve never gotten one. We just go to the pet store and play with them and then leave.”  
Dinesh nodded and solemnly said, “I’ve named every cat in the pet store.”  
“You should really think about taking one home,” Carmen said.   
“Yeah?” Dinesh asked.  
“I mean...I know I’d like to live in a house with a cat,” Carmen said. “I never have before and it’d be dope.”   
Dinesh looked at his watch and said, “PetSmart will be open. Let’s get a cat. It will be ‘dope’.”   
Carmen shook her head. As she turned away, she said, “Don’t say dope. You’re a father.”  
“Did you hear that? She called me a father.”  
Carmen yelled down from the bottom of the stairs, “You really are terrible at whispering.”


	17. Chapter 17

Carmen Ruiz  
Palo Alto, 2035

Carmen scanned the shelves at the Halloween store until she found the sluttiest outfit, a nurse’s outfit so small it was practically non-existent.   
“I’ll take this one,” she said.  
“Cool,” Gilfoyle said. Dinesh elbowed him. Gilfoyle looked at the costume more closely and then said, “Oh, did you want me to stop her from looking like a slut?”  
“Yes, but preferably without using the word slut,” Dinesh said, crossing his arms.   
“If that’s the costume she wants, she could just buy it and then wear it underneath her clothes, ditch them when she gets to the party. She can use cash so we wouldn’t see the Halloween store charge on her statement, we’d just see an ATM withdrawal.”  
Dinesh stared at Gilfoyle, mouth agape.  
“It’s a piece of silk with a red cross on it. I don’t think it’s worth parental intervention,” Gilfoyle told him.  
“What would warrant parental intervention to you?” Dinesh asked, arms crossed.   
“That’s a good question,” Gilfoyle said thoughtfully .”Treason? No, that would actually be outstanding.”  
Dinesh sighed, rubbing his temple with one hand. “Executive decision. You can’t wear that.” After a pause, he said, “But, you can also can’t call any girls who do ‘sluts.’ That’s bullying or something.”  
“Do you get to make executive decisions?” Gilfoyle asked.  
“Of course I do. Who else would be the responsible one?”   
Gilfoyle nodded a little in acknowledgment.  
Carmen rolled her eyes and said, “I was just testing you guys.” She put the outfit back. “I am not gonna wear that outfit at some party with a bunch of rich boys. Rich boys are terrifying.” She paused and then added, “Present company excluded.”   
She looked around and said, “I have no idea what I actually want to be, though.”  
“What were you last year?” Dinesh asked.   
“I’ve never dressed up for Halloween,” she told him.   
They both stared at her, horrified.  
She laughed and said, “Seriously? That gets more of a reaction than the slutty nurse’s outfit?”  
“Why would you not celebrate Halloween? It’s the only holiday that’s not about family. It’s fantastic.” Dinesh elbowed him again. “Jesus, you are an angry little tiny person.” Gilfoyle turned to Carmen and said, “Obviously, now I love holidays about family.”   
“What do you guys usually dress as?” Carmen asked them.  
“Oh, uh....” Dinesh looked at the floor.  
“We’re usually Brad and Frank from Rocky Horror,” Gilfoyle said. “Dinesh likes an easy costume that only involves fake glasses and I like the look on his face he gets seeing me in lingerie.”  
“Lingerie?” Carmen asked, wrinkling up her face.  
“It’s not hypocritical of me. Once you’re married, you can wear all the sexy outfits you want,” Dinesh said.   
“No judgments, I’m just a little horrified thinking about one of my foster dads walking around in lingerie,” Carmen said.   
“Yeah, we should maybe skip that this year,” Gilfoyle said.  
“Skip?” Dinesh asked, frowning. “We don’t have to skip it all together!”   
Gilfoyle grabbed a lab coat. “Problem solved.” He smiled down at Dinesh and said, “I told you, wearing the slutty outfit underneath works.”   
“I didn’t say it didn’t work. I just want Carmen to be more well-behaved than you are,” Dinesh told him.  
“I will be,” Carmen said, tossing something into Dinesh’s arms.   
He fumbled but then picked it up off the floor. It was an angel costume. He smiled at Carmen and said, “You want to be an angel?”   
“Mmhmm,” she said.  
Dinesh smiled and went to buy the costume.  
“You know, Lucifer was an angel,” Gilfoyle said after Dinesh had walked towards the register.  
Carmen grinned at him and said, “I know.” 

Dinesh Chugtai  
New Haven, 2003

Dinesh’s Fox Mulder costume was subtle. It was just the slacks, shirt and tie he always wore. But he knew he was Fox Mulder and by having a costume so subtle, he could avoid the embarrassment of people knowing he was all dressed up with nowhere to go.  
He was sitting in his dorm at Yale, with the door open just in case anyone wanted to pop their head in and invite him out to the floor party.   
Instead, two people came in and managed to walk across the dorm room and fall onto Dinesh’s bed, all without pulling away from their deep kiss.   
After a moment of having no idea what to do, Dinesh quietly said, “Um.” He tried speaking a little louder and said, “Uh, guys.” That had no effect. He realized he was staring and that he was way too interested in this. He felt bad and then felt annoyed that he was the one feeling bad in this scenario. He walked out of his dorm and sat down in the hallway. 

Dinesh Chugtai  
Palo Alto, 2036

As soon as Gilfoyle took his lab coat off, Dinesh pushed him onto the bed. “I love Halloween,” he said as he kissed down Gilfoyle’s neck.   
Gilfoyle smiled and said, “I love you.”  
Dinesh slid his hand into the front of Gilfoyle’s lingerie as he kept kissing him. He pulled away and frowned as he asked, “Do you think Carmen is okay at this party?”  
“Could we make a rule that you can’t talk about teenage girls while your hand is on my dick,” Gilfoyle asked him.  
“Oh. Yeah,” Dinesh said. “...which one should I stop doing?”  
“Doesn’t matter, just pick one,” Gilfoyle said.  
Dinesh rested his hand on Gilfoyle’s chest. “Sorry. I just started thinking, oh no, what if she’s doing this right now?”   
“She could be,” Gilfoyle said.  
“That’s not helping!” Dinesh said.  
Gilfoyle pulled him into a kiss and then said, “Teenagers go to parties and get drunk and hook up. Everyone does it.”  
“I never did,” Dinesh said.  
“Are you suggesting we raise our daughter in an Islamic state?” Gilfoyle asked.  
“Maybe,” Dinesh said. “I mean, any religion based in teens not drinking and hooking up at parties is fine. I’m not picky.”  
“Let’s worry less about whether she’s getting laid and more about us getting laid, okay? It’s out of our hands at this point,” Gilfoyle said.  
“You’re so bad at being comforting,” Dinesh said, shaking his head.  
Gilfoyle cupped Dinesh’s face in his hands. “Hey. Hey. Look at me. I’m not going to lie to you and make some ‘I’m sure she’s fine’ statement just to make you feel better. But, Carmen is a tough girl and we’re both going to do everything for her that we can, okay? That’s all we need to know.”  
Dinesh nodded. Gilfoyle pulled his face close and kissed him.  
“Okay. I feel better. We can have sex now,” Dinesh said as he started undressing. “I can’t believe it’s been...four days.”  
Gilfoyle laughed and said, “It’s amazing that seems like a long time to us. You know, Jared once bragged to me that he and Richard went a full month having sex every week.”   
Dinesh wrinkled up his forehead. “What? Wait, why did he tell you?”  
“Not sure. I think I might be his best friend,” Gilfoyle said with an amused little smile. Gilfoyle slid off Dinesh’s pants and said, “Point being, let’s get to it and make sure we don’t slip into bragging-about-once-a-week status.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween parties!

Kira Hendriks-Dunn  
Palo Alto, 2036

Kira had never put a lot of effort into a Halloween costume before, but this year she kept thinking about the light-up dress Glitter had made and wishing she could make something like that.   
She’d been working on a chameleon costume that would actually work, going from a scaly green pattern to actually reflecting whatever she was standing in front of. She’d gotten close and had some breakthroughs but when Halloween came around, all she had was a lumpy greenish-brown body suit that occasionally changed to lighter green.   
“You look so beautiful!” Jared said when she came downstairs. She looked at him skeptically and he turned to Richard for help.  
“Yeah, yeah,” Richard said. “That’s a great...Godzilla.”  
“Thanks, dad, that’s what I was going for,” Kira said. “So, who’s taking me to the Bachmans’ house?”  
“I can take you,” Jared said. “And on the way, we can go over some rules and guidelines and safety tips.”   
“Okay, dad,” Kira said agreeably. She was just glad they were letting her go to the party, although as it got closer she was getting more and more worried that she’d immediately want to leave.

Kira wandered through Erlich’s mansion, looking around in terror. There were lots of people packed in and she didn’t recognize anyone. There weren’t even any adults she could talk to out of desperation.   
After a long time of forcing her way through the crowd and getting a lot of beer spilled on her, she finally found Glitter, surrounded by people.  
“Glitter!” she called out.  
When she’d been calling out for a while, Glitter finally looked over. “Oh, hey,” she said before turning her attention away.  
Kira wasn’t exactly surprised, but part of her had hoped things had changed since they’d started hanging out a little bit. But, she knew it was different when Glitter was with her friends.  
She wandered off and circled around, trying to find someone she recognized or at least someone who looked friendly.   
She was considering calling her dads when she saw a table with some packs of beer on it. She decided she should drink just enough to calm down and not feel so uncomfortable. It tasted terrible, so she tried to drink fast.

Kira had found a guest bedroom where she could lie down away from the noise. When she heard the door open, she groaned and sat up, not looking forward to the idea of having to deal with some couple that wanted to bang.   
Dre walked in and asked, “Kira? I didn’t know you came.”   
Kira nodded. “I’m having a great time,” she said.  
Dre laughed and sat down next to her.   
“What are you doing here?” she asked.  
“Just trying to get away from the noise for a minute,” he said. “Have you been drinking?”  
“How could you tell?” Kira asked as she rested her head on his shoulder.   
Dre laughed. “Magic,” he said.   
“I like your costume,” she told him. “Finn from Star Wars. That’s cool.”  
“Thanks,” he said. “I like your...dragon?”  
“It’s supposed to be a chameleon. I tried to make a chameleon costume that really works but it just kinda vaguely changes color in different lighting. I’m worried Glitter is smarter than me on top of everything. That seems unfair.”  
Dre laughed. “It’s not a competition. Seriously. Take it from someone who’s been compared to Glitter for their entire life. Anyway, I like your costume.”  
“You don’t have to say that,” Kira said.  
“I’m serious. Most people just buy a costume or whatever. But, you tried to do something no one’s ever done before. That’s pretty amazing.”   
“You don’t have to stay with me. You can go party,” she told him.  
“I know I don’t have to. But, talking to you sounds fun,” he said.   
She looked up at him and grinned. “I’m not fun,” she said. “That’s, um, cool that you think that.” 

Richard Hendriks  
Palo Alto, 2036

“Should we call her?” Jared asked as he paced around the bedroom.  
“I don’t think kids really...answer phone calls from their parents during parties,” Richard said. “I mean, she would but she’d probably think it was an emergency. It’d be pretty weird for her to find out you’re just checking in.”   
“We should never have let her go. You realize these things are unsupervised.”  
“They’re only unsupervised until 1 a.m. and then Erlich comes home,” Richard told him. “It’ll be fine. She’s old enough.” After a second, he said, “I could, uh...distract you from worrying.”  
He gave Jared a little smile. He’d never gotten very good at being seductive on purpose, but as usual, Jared went for it.  
“That sounds nice,” he said, sitting down next to Richard.

Richard Hendriks  
Tulsa, 2006

“I’m Han Solo,” Richard said, shifting nervously as he stood outside Amanda’s door. “You really don’t get it? Have you not seen Star Wars. That’s so weird. I mean, not like you’re weird, just like…”  
“I’ve seen Star Wars, dude,” Amanda said. “First off, no one knocks on the door to get into a party. You made everybody think the cops were here. So thanks.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Richard said. “I didn’t know.”  
“Second, you weren’t invited. And, third, Han Solo is supposed to be handsome.”  
She started closing the door and, in a moment of panic, he said the same thing that his mom was always telling him when he worried that girls didn’t like him. “I’m going to be a billionaire someday, you know.”   
Amanda snorted and said, “You’re probably going to grow up to be gay.” She slammed the door closed. He sighed and started walking away to the sound of “Fergalicious” blasting from inside the house.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen comes home from the Halloween party.

Dinesh Chugtai  
Palo Alto, 2036

Gilfoyle had fallen asleep curled up in Dinesh’s lap while they were rewatching the entirety of the Scream franchise. Dinesh was starting to drift off himself when Carmen walked in.

“Oh, hey,” he said. “How was the party?” 

“Pretty boring. I just hung out with Kira and did coke off her ass.”

Dinesh glared at her and said, “I can’t believe there are two people in this house constantly messing with me.” He frowned and added, “You are messing with me, right?” 

She rolled her eyes and said, “Obviously. I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Okay,” Dinesh said. He smiled as he took in her costume one more time and said, “Good night, angel.” 

After Carmen went upstairs, Dinesh nudged Gilfoyle awake. 

 

“What’s up? Did the movie scare you?” Gilfoyle asked.

Dinesh glared and said, “I don’t get scared during horror movies anymore.” That was true, although it was only because Gilfoyle was always around. “I just thought you might want to know that Carmen came home. I don’t think she got into any trouble. You don’t look relieved. Why aren’t you relieved?” 

“Well, I really didn’t think she’d drink or anything until she’s officially adopted. She’s badass, but she’s strategic. She can’t just do whatever like Erlich’s shitty kids.” 

“Do you think now that we’re parents we shouldn’t go around calling teenagers shitty?” Dinesh asked.

“Nah,” Gilfoyle said. He snuggled up against Dinesh. “Maybe the talk I had with her worked,” he said sleepily. 

Dinesh furrowed his eyebrows. “Talk? You had a talk?” 

Gilfoyle sat up and said, “Yeah, I just said that I regret some of the stuff I did in high school.” He stared down at his fingers and chipped away at his black nail polish. “I said I’m the last person who’s gonna say she has to follow some arbitrary rules but that, um… letting people push you to do stuff you’re not ready for doesn’t feel very good so she should maybe watch out for that.” 

Dinesh had no idea what to say as he watched Gilfoyle. He momentarily wondered if he should say that if raising a teenager was bringing back too many memories for him, maybe it wasn’t worth it or at least they should have a long talk about it. Instead, he said, “Now that you’re a father are you finally going to stop wearing nail polish?” 

“I don’t know, maybe just on this finger,” Gilfoyle said, holding up his middle finger.

Dinesh snorted. He patted Gilfoyle’s back and said, “Come on, let’s go up to bed.”


End file.
